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Frisky Friday: Too Tired for Sex?

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One in three women suffer from loss of interest in sex and the main reason why: they're too tired. Think about it. A lot of us are on the go from as early as 5 a.m. With getting the kids ready for school, dealing with demands at work, remembering to pay the bills, taking care of sick relatives and making sure a healthy dinner is on the table, we're often exhausted by bedtime. An extra 45 minutes of sleep seems way more appealing than staying awake for a romp in the sack.

The irony is that the best remedy for a busy lifestyle is sex. It relieves stress, helps you sleep better and maintains your connection with your guy, which can lead to less arguments, ergo less stress, explains Laurie Mintz, Ph.D, psychologist and author of 'A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex.'

"The first step to recovery is to embrace and understand and believe that sex is an incredibly important part of life and relationships and marriage. ...it really is what differentiates [marriage] from a logistical partnership," Mintz points out.

Once you come to the realization that the Vitamin D (or S) is an essential element of a balanced lifestyle, Dr. Mintz gives a few pointers on how to go from your grueling schedule back to moaning and groaning.

Think Like a Man: Mintz points out that men think about sex a whole lot more than women do. "Take a five minute sex break every hour and just stop to think and fantasize about sex." Mintz suggests. If it's on the brain, you're more likely to want to turn your thoughts into actions. 

Let's Talk About Sex: "It's important to talk before, during [and] after sex and at the kitchen table," Mintz says. "sit down and have conversations when you're not in the bedroom, like it's any topic in a marriage. I call it kitchen table sex talks." Dr. Laurie stresses using non-blaming language in your talks and using statements that start with "I" a lot. For example, "I want..." Next bring the discussion into your sexual encounters. Have "real conversation" about each other's likes and dislikes while you're getting it on. That way you can both get what you want out of it.

Cop a Feel: A lot of long-term couples get touchy-feely only when it's time to canoodle. Even if you're in a rush, you still have time to rub your man's [insert body part here] as you slip past him. "Touch each other affectionately three to four times a day and sexually two or three times as well," Mintz instructs. A little pinch on the booty at lunch time could warm you up for some skin slapping later on.

Remember the Time: While Mintz acknowledges that it's not always easy, she says it's very important to take some time out to take care of yourself, to exercise to have a moment to breath. The healthier you feel, the more energy you'll have to get frisky. Also take time out to connect with your partner non-sexually. The closer you are in life is the closer you'll get when making love. 

The Night Time Ain't Always the Right Time: "If you have some flexibility, stop thinking about night time as the only time to have sex," Mintz says. Instead of confining your thoughts to just having sex at night when testosterone and cortisol (hormones that fuel the libido) levels are low, figure out a time of day when sex will work best for you and your partner and get the job done then.

Save the Date: We're hung up on the notion of spontaneous sex, Mintz says. Don't be fooled, "all sex is planned," she adds. So make it official and mark it down like it's a hair appointment. If your man finds it unromantic to schedule a session, stage a surprise attack.  Put it in your calendar and when he comes home, pounce on him. He won't know you were planning all along. Mintz also encourages scheduling a rendezvous every once in a while. An overnight stay at a local hotel without the distractions of home can help you and your guy focus on each other.

Be a Spice Girl: Let's face it, when you've been with the same person for a long time, you and your mate can get comfortable and things can get boring. Bringing some backup into the bedroom can help ensure that you'll want to do it, when the time comes. "Find some ways to, within your comfort zone, spice up your sex life a little bit," Mintz says, "use new lubricants or an erotic book."
Filed Under: Expert Advice
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