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You Can't Hurry Love

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I want to get married. Make no mistake about it. I want to experience that life-long, soul-comforting love that your grandparents told you about at their 40th anniversary party. I've daydreamed about my marriage (note that I did not say wedding) for as long as I can remember.

 

My vision always included me and my honey, ripe with age and experience, sitting on our porch, sharing some Jell-O and talking about all we've been through, happy that we survived it all with each other.

 

Like many women my age (I'm 25, by the way), I've given some thought to making this dream come true. But unlike some, I'm in no rush.

 

Mr. He'll Do instead of Mr. Right

Building a relationship to the point where marriage is the next step takes time and hard work -- especially if you want to be together well into the denture-wearing, Ben-Gay-rubbing days. I'd rather take my time and let real love find me than rush out the door, Cupid's arrow in hand. The problem with some of us is that when we decide it's time, we take Mr. He'll Do instead of waiting for Mr. Right. Believe me, I've wasted enough time on the wrong brothers when I knew better.

So when I see this book claiming that you can meet and marry your soul mate within a year, I think, they can't be serious. Can they? One year? Just 365 days?

That's what The Marriage Plan: How to Meet and Marry Your Soul Mate in One Year or Less (Broadway Books) promises. The book, by Aggie Jordan, Ph.D., says its 13 steps will lead you to your man.

Meet and marry in a year?

As a skeptical New Yorker (born and raised -- what do you expect?), I couldn't help but laugh when I read about Jordan's book in a newspaper. Hell, it takes about a year just to plan a wedding, much less find the groom. Marriage can come only after you've been with someone long enough to know that you'd be quite happy to wake up to that same face every morning for the next 75 years (men aren't the only ones with that fear). Meet and marry in a year? It's just not something you put on your To Do list.

To test the logic of this get-hitched-quick scheme, I just tried to imagine myself on Jordan's game plan:

Step 1 Set your goal OK, that's easy.

Step 2 Set a deadline February 2002.

Step 3 Draw a profile I'll keep this simple: Buju Banton's looks (I love the raggamuffin' style), Mos Def's sense of political, social and cultural awareness, Common's spirituality and sensitivity, Kevin Powell's brand of intelligence and the sense to know that we gon' need a little more than a 401(k) and his father's gold coin collection to keep us financially happy in the years to come. That's not too much, ya think?

Step 4 Trust that he'll come into your life Hmmm. Please God, please God, please God.

Step 5 Gain support for your goal Oh, this should be fun. I can just see my girls looking at me like I done lost my mind.

Step 6 Don't date partial profilers Damn, I guess that Republican investment-banker cutie won't do.

Step 7 Be open and direct. Don't play games Hey wait, I'm still looking for the full profile.

Step 8 Tell him your goal I can just imagine: Hi. My name is Akissi and I'm trying to get married in a year. ... Interested? 

Step 9 Develop intimacy He's still reeling over the proposal. I don't think he wants to share anything with me except a number to a therapist.

Step 10 Fall in love, be in love Hey wait, I'm still trying to develop intimacy.

Step 11 Don't have sex before commitment Commitment to marry or commitment to stay with my crazy behind after hearing my insane plan? I'm confused.

Step 12 Get commitment Hold on. I'm still trying to figure out that last step.

Step 13 Get married! Yeah right!

Well for some girls this might work. For me, not a chance. Maybe it's because I'm not over 25, which Aggie Jordan describes as the best age for her 13 steps because, at that age you've been dating long enough. But I still believe what the Supremes say: You can't hurry love.

Hmm. While I wait, let me go find the number for that investment banker ...

Filed Under: Expert Advice
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