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Romance Challenge: Hilda Hutcherson, M.D. Takes Your Questions

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Q. I love my man, but he has a low libido and I have a very healthy sex drive. I don't want to break up with him, but how can I find satisfaction in bed?

A. Communication is the key. Let your man know how much you enjoy having sex with him and that you would like to share that experience with him more often. Then introduce new tricks into the bedroom to get the spark back: Have sex in a new location; wake him in the morning with an erotic kiss; check out an adult Web site together; or try buying a new flavored lube. You never know what might boost his desire.

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, his appetite could remain lower than yours. Stress, fatigue, depression, medications, age and medical problems may make it difficult for him to even think about sex. And some men simply don't desire sex as much as others do. One way to get the fulfillment that you want and need is to self-pleasure regularly. Engage in fantasy, purchase a toy that is for your eyes only, make time for you, and don't stop until you're satisfied!

Q. My boyfriend and I are madly in love and sure that we want to spend our lives together. We are both 25 years old and trying to save money, so we live at home with our parents. With our families always around we have almost no time alone so that we can have noisy, unrestrained sex. What can we do?

A. Who says that you have to have sex at home in a bed? As my grandma used to say, Where there is a will, there is a way! Use your imagination and discover new and exciting places to make love. Try checking into a hotel that rents by the hour for uninhibited, and very passionate, sex on a budget, of course. You could also flip the script and buy your parents tickets for a movie while the two of you stay home for your own private show. Or see if a girlfriend would be willing to help you two hook up. Maybe she can let you use her apartment for a rendezvous with your man. Whatever you try, you'll feel a lot less frustrated once you two start thinking outside the box when it comes to loud sex. Happy lovemaking!

Q. I've been with my husband for 12 years, and we've been married for four of those. My problem: I've never had an orgasm. The sex is more than good, but I'm just not climaxing. Help!

A. Is it possible that you are trying too hard? When you worry about whether or not you will have an orgasm, you decrease the chances that you will. You say the sex is good. Try to stop focusing on your orgasm goal and focus purely on the pleasure you're experiencing.

You might also spend more time on manual arousal, add a vibrator to your sex play, ask your partner to devote more effort to oral pleasure, or try the woman-on-top position. Each can provide intense and direct stimulation to your most sensitive spot, possibly giving you the push you need to tilt over the edge to orgasm.

One last possibility: your expectations are too high. Orgasms aren't always a mind-blowing experience. Some women instead get a calm, serene, satisfied feeling without the bells and whistles. So you may, in fact, already be climaxing.

Have questions for our other experts? Go to Are You In A Romance Rut? in our related articles area to send questions to other members of our passion panel this month.

Filed Under: Sex
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