Now that the weather's heating up are you looking for a new bae or two or three or you're already in a relationship and you need help bringing the fire back. Well our love and relationship experts are here to help joining me now in studio essence.com lifestyle and relationship counseling editor Charli Penn. Boo. Hey boo, hey. Back again, life coach Abiola Abrams and our token regular schmegular degular dude providing the male point of view SI Wire host Tony Anderson. Hey Dana. [UNKNOWN] Okay you've been watching us live. On Facebook we're taking your questions, so leave them in the comments section, but we'll also hit the New York City streets to see what our biggest love issues are. Let's roll our first video question. Hi, my name is Dominique and I have a few questions about liars when dating. I find that they lie whether in person or via text. They'll lie about where they're at or about how many kids they have. So my question is how do we find out whether someone is a liar before we take it too far in the relationship? I have my own personal thoughts on this but who wants to take this one? Who wants to go first on that? I know there's so much. I want to hear first from the ladies. I want one of the ladies, ladies go first. How to tell if he's a liar, please do. Okay so First of all, I just wanted to shout out to sister, the struggle is real. I can feel it, her energy was like, how can I tell that these lying **** dudes are lying. So, the first thing that you want to do. Dating starts with your attitude. Your attitude, right? So, you wanna go into it with a positive attitude, not expecting that everyone out there is a liar, cheater, and all of that stuff. Right. The second thing is that, you wanna do you due diligence. If they are, you know. available all hours of the day and claiming their a CEO. They may be lying. You know, if they are, there are some apps, depending on how suspicious you are in your life you can do. You know, like there's one named Is He Married or something like that. Where you can do a little background check or something like that. Just a little, you know, cursory background check to see what's going on. You just do a little due diligence. My favorite saying is trust but verify. Okay Tony you have a quick comment? I was just going to say, everybody lies, so you can't just figure out who do lie, who don't lie, you've gotta do what works best for you- Verify. I like what you said, trust but verify. Everybody lie. Everybody. [CROSSTALK] What's our next question? Hi my name is Tamara and I'm from Jersey, I've been approached by married men several times how can you actually tell that a man is single? [CROSSTALK] Okay hit it Charlie. I Let me tell you, my husband, I know where he is, his ring is on okay, you'll see the suntan line, okay. If you see a tan-line on the ring finger, he's married. If you can't access him in the evenings after eight o clock He's married, you know what I mean? He's having dinner with his wife. He's in bed with his wife. If you've been dating him for three months, six months and you've never been to his apartment- He's married. He's married. He's married. Okay, and if he doesn't text or call you right back and never answers your phone call on the first try, he's married. Tony? Listen, I plead the fifth on this one. [LAUGH] Tony, wow! [CROSSTALK] So much shade! [CROSSTALK] Y'all not gonna have me break the man code in here. Well, you know what, Tony's not married yet, so we'll forgive him. Maybe he's doesn't know how married folks are. No, he's doing some kind of bro-code thing. [CROSSTALK] I have found that, too, though. The male pack don't rat each other out. They're not that bright collectively. However, they do not rat each other out. [LAUGH] [CROSSTALK] If you pay attention Attention. They'll tell you everything that you need to know. But I will say you ladies hit it on the head and that's all I'm gonna say. I'm not saying anything else, I please the fifth. What's our next question? Bring it on. Hi my name is Monica, I'm from:New York. And my question is how to create a profile like on a dating website That allows you to seem interesting, outgoing, and intelligent, without promoting any unwanted advances. Well, don't do the duck lips, no just kidding. Or the cleavage boosting. Well, here's the thing for that. You can use just about any social networking platform as a dating thing. It could be instagram, it could be twitter, whatever. Cuz I know, I check some ladies out. You can never only have they guys that you want and the ones that you don't, it don't work that way. It doesn't work that way. You gonna kiss some ugly, what is it, some ugly- Kiss some frogs. You gotta kiss some frogs. Frogs to get to the prince or whatever the case is. So just go through your DMs, you know? [LAUGH] Just like you gotta swipe left [CROSSTALK] or right, you know what I mean? Even though it's not Tinder, swipe left for the ones you don't And swipe right for the ones you don't. Posting pictures of things that you're doing. You in the gym working out and whatever you portray that's what you gonna get, so you half naked, [CROSSTALK] not that there's anything wrong with it, that's the kind of guy you gonna get. And if you want a super church going dude, then post a picture with you and the bible and that's probably what you'll get. You get what -- You attract what you put out there. And there's nothing wrong with a little intrigue, you know? Maybe you wanna just show off your tattoo or what your shirt says or your earrings. Y'know, you can be creative with your profile image. Show off something about you instead of a part of you. That you feel is a positive. And make sure your pictures are current. Don't have your pictures be like, five years old, ten years old. Whatever. Make sure your pictures are current. Current. Yes. Make sure that your pictures are cute and don't have those pictures of you and five of your girlfriends and he is like which one is it. Please don't be bitter ladies, please don't be bashing the- I want to make sure I get this viewer's question, lets see our next question. Hi, I am Shanti, I am from Brooklyn. In the workspace I'm around a lot of single guys. I just want advice on how would I approach someone that I am interested in, but keeping it professional. Let me take this, do you mind if I take this? Go ahead. Go ahead. Okay. Sister. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't dip your pen in company ink. In company ink. Yes. That's it. It could go all wrong. Because if it goes great. Cool. But if it goes wrong and you got to see them everyday in work. [SOUND] She's stealing your stapler, your highlighter, everything. Yes. I agree with Tony just a smidge. I feel like you can make a move if you really feel a connection, but you don't need to do it in the office. You need to ask them to join you after hours somewhere else, and see if there's a real connection. But if you see any red flags, I think you might need to run early. I don't know, Charlie. I'm gonna give advice, in between the two. Okay, all right. You don't wanna say, meet me after work, or whatever, and it's your boss, or whoever, and now they're prosecuting you for sexual harassment. [LAUGH] You don't wanna do that. So the way to do it, is just let it be known generally that you're available and looking. Be lightly flirtatious, but keep it clean, keep it professional. Most people do meet their significant other in the workplace. They really do. So you don't want to just shut that off completely [INAUDIBLE] Pending this one for a quick second. Okay. So we can reach out to our Facebook family. Kayla, what are they saying about all of this? Lots of funny comments. Tammy Frazier says excellent relationship nuggets. Juliette Romeo Johnson says, in response to whether you know he's lying or not, if he always eats before you go on a date. Mm-hm. If he always what? Eats before you go on a date? Yep! Stop it! Tiffany Rutgers says Tony I am mad at your man code! [LAUGH] Shade! [UNKNOWN] Shade! Definitely.
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