[MUSIC] Hi, I'm Charli Penn. Today on Essence Live we've got Mack Wilds live in studio. Kehlani dishes about dating in the public eye. And just in time for Valentine's Day our panel of experts is here to fix your sex life. But right now. Here's Christina Coleman with the biggest stories you're buzzing about today. [MUSIC] After 21 seasons, there will finally be a a black lead in ABC's The Bachelor franchise. The network announced on Jimmy Kimmel Monday that 31 year old Rachel Lindsay An attorney from Texas will be the next Bachelorette. And even though we've already had dating shows staring black people, it's still important that we have that representation across the board, but that doesn't mean we can't still watch some of our favorite dating experiments because I know y'all caught that Flavor of Love marathon the other day. And we have VH1 to thank for another one called Tremaine the Playboy. Yeah, I'm talking about Trey Songz. [MUSIC] The twins come at me on some crazy, [BLEEP] But you not gonna do nothing, do something. You drive like how [INAUDIBLE]. Now, how many of us saw that show coming? Halle Berry is now opening up about her love life, which has included three marriages. In a recent Q&A at the 2017 City Summit and Gallant, Los Angeles, the actress admitted to feeling guilt about her relationships not working out. Saying that she is quote anti-fairytales, when it comes to love now. We all come here with lessons that we have to learn, and those relationships provided me with lessons that got me where I am right now. For that, I'm grateful. But it has been hard. It's been a difficult part of my life. We hear you Halle girl. [NOISE] [MUSIC] From her golden dress and breathtaking performance in that chair to Blue Ivy clapping for her mommy. It was all about Beyonce at the Grammy's. And although B did grab two trophies herself, some folks are side eyeing Adele's offer to share her Grammy for Album of the Year with her. And for applauding Beyonce's music for what it did for her Black friends. Sydney Portis wrote on Facebook, I wonder if Beyonce would have done the same thing had she won that Grammy. I doubt it. Gregory A. Butler wrote on Essence.com, So you're mad at Adele for not being a grad school perfect intersectionalist woman? Here's an idea, why not graciously appreciate her comments in the spirit in which they were intended? And as for the black friends comment? Amber Peddy wrote, Beyonce is not a representative of all women. She is a representative for black women. Adele knows this and paid homage to what Beyonce represents for her culture. I appreciated and immensely respected that. Okay, ESSENCE Live fam, weigh in. Do you think Adele was sincere in her Grammy comments about Beyonce? send in your votes now because we are taking your comments next. It's Tuesday February 14th Valentines day and Essence Live starts now. [MUSIC] [BLANK_AUDIO] Welcome to Essence Live. Only the best damn digital live show around. I'm just saying. Hi everybody, I'm Charli Penn, senior lifestyle editor for essence.com. Happy Valentine's Day. And you know what if no one has told you today I just wanted to say that we do love you. You is beautiful. You is kind. Remember we always want to hear from you. Use #EssenceLive or email us at essencelive@essence.com if you want to come on the show to sound off on topics. As Christina mentioned in the hot list, everyone is still buzzing about Beyonce's performance at the Grammy's. And also Adele shouting her out on her speech and playfully talking about sharing her award with her. So today's viewer poll is this: Do you think Adele was sincere in her comments about Beyonce at the Grammy's? Use #ESSENCELIVE to vote A. for Yes or B. for No. And we'll read the results later in the show. But right now we got a very special guest with us today in the studio. He's a singer and actor and his latest project finds him in an air we all love. Okay, I know I do, the 90s. Please welcome back to Essence Live Mark Wild. Hi Mark. Hi. Welcome to the show. Great to have you back. It's good to be back. Feels like am back home. [LAUGH] Let me tell you. Did you watch the Grammys? Let's talk about it because that's our poll today. I did, I definitely did watch the Grammys. What did you think? I thought the Grammys were amazing. My favorite performance of the night was Chance the Rapper. He's great. Yeah he killed it, he definitely killed it. And you, we know you worked with Adele on her video. How did you feel about To be free, film it. Absolutely, first and foremost, I think Adele's one of the, I think it's harder for her to tell a lie than it is to hold herself back from the truth. So She, that was as honest a response as ever. She's literally a fan of what music is and the culture. So I respect it. I appreciate it. Yeah, she gives me authentic vibes. For sure. Completely. So we know you had a hit album out a few years ago. What's up with the second one? When's the new music coming out? It's coming out very soon. Soon, we just finished working on it. We're dropping it in March. March, okay, that's soon. Yeah, it's something amazing. We took time to really get it right. And every time that I felt we were finished, We kinda kept adding stuff onto it. So it started to build into something bigger and bigger. I wouldn't even call it an album, it's like an experience. Well, we can't wait to hear it. I know we can't wait to hear that. March, everybody. So in your New show The Breaks. Yes ma'am. Which takes place in the 90s. mm hmm You play a producer, right?. Yes. Or a producer, or a producer on the rise. Yes! Exactly. So who inspired you? What other producers did you sort of, mark your character after? Did you watch anybody? Pay close attention? No, absolutely. You know I had the pleasure of especially being in music, I've worked with a bunch of different. Yeah, you had your pick. Yeah exactly. But I kind of based my character on three producers, like three guys who I knew were doing what I felt DB was doing at the time. BJ Premiere, one of my big homies. Shout out premo. Pete Rock. Uh-huh. Another->> Ooh, good one. Amazing one, shout out to my uncle Pete and Q-Tip. Like kind of an [UNKNOWN] of all three of those guys. And I feel like that's what DV encompasses. That the vibe, the feeling that they all gave off. So you just put all of that to your new role? Sitting down, talking with all of them and trying Trying to, and getting into their heads about where they were at that time. And trying to bring that across on television. Yeah, that was the essence, no pun intended, that I was trying to find. [LAUGH] The Breaks takes place in the 90s. We know you love the 90s. Top three songs on your 90s playlist right now. First three. Man. That's hard. [CROSSTALK] I know that's hard for me. [LAUGH] Probably SWV week is Valentine's Day so. We need some romance in there. Exactly, Bump and Grind, R Kelley and Dang. Jodeci [INAUDIBLE]. [LAUGH]. Mine would not be complete without a Jodeci [INAUDIBLE]. Feigning all day yeah. I'm down for that. Jodeci feigning. Okay so Mack you sing you rap you act. You really are a Renaissance brother. You're doing a little bit of everything. So what's next? Where do you see your career going five years from now or ten years from now? The world is my oyster. I thank God for these gifts and I just wanna keep on. I love that. Thank you, I just wanna keep on growing them and developing them and just actually just be free, not afraid to just. Be creative and be free, as free as I want to be. So if I wanna do a art installation, I can. Anything goes. If I wanna direct, I can. There's so many different ways and facets that you can create, and I think That's what I realize that that's what I love more than anything. It's just kind of doing whatever you feel coming that. Yeah. So. All right. So now you, I'm sure you've noticed on Instagram and beyond that you are a lot of ladies [UNKNOWN] we're gonna make you guys, you know it's Valentines day, we have to How does that feel? What's it like to be really to have your female fan base just keep growing and growing? I appreciate it, you know? Was it always like that? Was it like that for you in high school and earlier? No, not really. No? I was working a lot in high school so even if it was, I wouldn't I've been able to really see it. But it's, the thing that I love the most about it is that everybody seems to be rocking with me, man, woman, whoever. Whatever walk of life or creed you come from. Everybody just loves the work. That we do, you know. Loyal fan base, for sure. They respect the dope. They respect the dope. Whatever you put out, they want to see something ill. So, I And they stick with you. They stick with you. So rather than get all in your business, let's play a little fantasy right now. Okay Okay, instead we are going to play a game called Kiss, Marry, Diss. Okay. You remember this one. Ahuh. You know how this one start.>> Yeah. We gonna put three women up on the screen. Okay. To review the rules. It's easy, no pressure, all in fun. All in fun, all in fun. Three women will pop up and you tell us who you would kiss, who you would marry, and who you would diss. Okay. Again all in fun. Let's see the first three. Okay, so we have our actresses here. We have Issa Rae, phenomenal Tessa Thompson, and Keke Palmer. This is a tough one. Okay, Okay, this is a tough one. Kiss, who would you kiss? Who would I kiss? I would, Tessa. I would kiss Tessa. Tessa, okay. Who would you marry? Now the only reason I'm going with this is because Keke's like my sister. Okay fair enough. So she's dissed right now. [LAUGH]. I love you Keke. Keke no hard feelings. But I would marry Isa. Marry Isa Okay. Keke will understand. Lets see who we have next. Okay, so we have musicians here. [CROSSTALK]. Obviously we have Janelle Monae. Rihanna and Solange. Ooh. This one's tough, who would you kiss? Nobody getting dissed. Okay, nobody's getting dissed. Nobody's getting dissed. Who are you gonna kiss? I'm just gonna be->> Let's start out slow here. I know, right. [LAUGH] Jesus Christ I'd probably kiss Rihanna. Okay, all right, who wouldn't? Who would you marry? [LAUGH] Dang! That's tough. That's a lot of black girl magic on this stage. Can I kiss them all and marry them? I think that's fair. We'll that you [INAUDIBLE] have that. Can we do that? All right. Next up, next round. Athletes. What? Come on, son. I mean, I know, we just keep making it harder for you Mack. Serena, Misty, and Leila Ali. Come on. My goodness. Clocks ticking. Who you kissing? I'd kiss Misty. Okay, that's sweet. Who you marry? I see you looking at Serena. I feel like I would have to go with Laila, cuz she'd beat me up otherwise. Fair [LAUGH]. That's a very good reason actually [LAUGH]. But I can't dis Serena, she's- She's everything. Everything. Goals, on goals, on goals. Okay, so one more round if you can hang in there with us. Let's see. Now, this is just a wild card. This is just to really throw you. You've got Heidi B, Raven-Symone, and Omarosa. Okay. Who would you kiss? Okay. This one is tough. Okay, Heidi B is getting kissed. Why? Gotta know. It's a New York thing. Her vibe, I mess with her vibe heavy. Every time I see her it's always love. Raven. Known Raven forever, probably marry her. Omarosa. [LAUGH] She seems like a Trump supporter, so I'm not with it. I wouldn't. Like I love you we can't add an asshole.>> Understood. All right. I'm a [INAUDIBLE] back girl. [LAUGH] So let's see what people are saying on social. We know our fans on Facebook probably have plenty to say to Mack. Caleb what's going on on Facebook? Lot of fans are showing love. They love everything you're wearing. They love that you're here. One fan said, [UNKNOWN] is so humble and sweet. Jeez. That was Sheryl [UNKNOWN] so shout out to her. Thank you. And the votes are starting to trickle in for the poll. We have lots of votes coming in for yes. Couple are coming in for no. So that's gonna be interesting. Wow. A few that I wanna read now. Nancy [UNKNOWN] says it seems a little bit over the top. She won, it's cool, but you don't have to bow down to Be no matter what that song says. [LAUGH] I thought that was funny. So Monique Rose says, of course, she was sincere. Why wouldn't she Should be. And Teresa Fillmore says this sounded sincere cause she had no obligation to mention Beyonce at all. It's true. It's True. Matt thank you so much for coming to the show. Thank you for having me. You are welcome back any time. Yes, ma'am. I will take you up on that offer. All right we'll see you soon. Yes ma'am. Okay so remember to keep your votes coming in for our viewer poll using hashtag essence live and we'll shout you out later in the show. Show. Coming up our panel of experts helps you with your trickiest sex problems [SOUND] and Galadi dishes on her new music. But first here's what happened when we visited the set of Mac Wild's new show " The Breaks" which premieres February 20th on VH1. Hey guys. This is Gia Peppers here for Essence.com and today we are on the set of the new VH1 television series The Breaks. You guys might remember that it was an amazing television movie back earlier this year and everyone loved it so much that they picked it up For a full series. So now we're gonna get an exclusive look because I hear it's pretty lit inside on set, Essence is a lit these days. So we're gonna get the first look because why not? You guys ready? Come along. [MUSIC] [LAUGH] So this is where I'm assuming where [UNKNOWN] about to film with a club scene or a performance because if you look in here There's a huge stage, the lighting is crazy. It just looks like either [UNKNOWN] or one of the characters is about to kill it. There's so much space in here for so many people to just scream. I love hip-hop concerts myself. So this looks like the greatest environment for that. Let's go. We are here, on set if y'all can't tell, like the lighting and everything, of "The Breaks", VH1's new television series, and you are one of the newest stars, which is so amazing. So tell me about how this whole role came about for you.>>Well, you know what's crazy, actually I seen a pilot awhile back. And I was like, everybody knows I'm obsessed with the 90s and the 80s and then we got the call about the breaks cuz they casing the 90s. And they seen how I embodied it and they got me rapping. Yes. You know I ain't no rapper. Yeah they got me rapping [LAUGH] I'm so excited for this now. I didn't even know you was gonna be a rapper. I thought you was gonna be singing. No they got me On some like Monie Love, Queen Latifah. I see the set, I see what's happening here. Yes, you know what I'm saying, you know what I'm saying? My gosh, so what's the character's name? Imani X. So you already sound real like, hah. Imani X. We got the little army gear on, you know like, I'm ready, I'm ready. I see you. [SOUND] You're watching Essence Live, I'm Dana Blair. And joining me in studio right now is a singer and songwriter who truly puts her life on record. Her new album is called Sweet Sexy Savage, and it's on sale right now. Please welcome Kehlani to Essence Live. It's a pleasure to have you here on the show. Thank you for having me. So I mentioned you have a new album that's out right now. And you actually I feel like I am getting to know you through your music, I don't always feel that way about artists. So is there a particular song or piece of the record that was, that you feel is like the most emotional or the most like you if you will? Maybe 'not used to it' which is a song about kind of how my growing up and all the relationships that I experienced and witnessed growing up shaped how I am in relationships now. I feel like as people but especially as women we tend to do that. If we didn't have married parents or see a positive marriage or even see a marriage or see people who are kind to each other and respectful of relationships and things like that. We tend to have those issues.in our relationships. Definitely definitely. Are you that comfortable putting everything out there on the table or are you starting to be a little more Maybe I don't wanna put that out there yet. I just know there's certain things that isn't gonna help anyone, that nobody needs to know. And there's certain things that people out there might need to hear. And I've had more of my fans thank me being open about certain things than people bash me for being open about I'm one of them fans. Thank you. I'm not even gonna lie. Thank you. So the world was first introduced to you through America's Got Talent. Nick Cannon's show if you will. How closely do you guys work together? Or has he been a mentor or part of guiding you in your career? He's more like Feel like a guardian angel. Like he's a super mentor. He saved my life in so many ways without asking ever for anything in return or anything like that. It was a blessing, you know what I mean? When I met Nick Cannon, I was homeless and didn't have nowhere to stay, and he was just like, yo how are you supposed to focus on music when you don't even know if you are going to be able to take a shower? You don't even know if you're going to eat.>>You got real problems.>>And he was like, well what do you want? And I was like, let me sleep on your couch. Let me come record. And he literally surprised me with an apartment.>>Wow.>>And, not only an apartment, but it was decorated, and it was furnished. And I had never had my own room. I had never slept in my own bed. So, to know that someone cared enough to not only get a space for you, a safe space for you, but to decorate it and make it to your liking, it just, he cares, like that man's heart is ridiculously golden, he just deserves every wonderful thing in the world. Was there any one particular piece of advice that he's given you, that you're like, okay, I'm gonna hold on to this. For entire career. He said just whatever makes me happy is what's most important, and I think he's obviously a very good example for that cuz there's so many things. He takes so much heat for things that just make him happy, and people clown him. People do whatever, but he's able to be like I just do all this because it makes me happy, and it's fun, and I love it. Do you think that you'll open your relationships back up to the public and social media moving forward? Those things were accidental, you know what I mean? I never got into a relationships and said out, okay, on this day we go and pose this picture of us on the stage cuz your fans and my fans they're gonna Tweet. Right, right. I mean, that wasn't Never ever a plan. And I hope that's not anyone's plan. I don't know anybody whoever, has ever thought like that. Those were just, wow, I'm so happy to be in this relationship. Sometimes I'm cute and I wanna post a picture of my boyfriend. And sometimes, he just->> So you wanna live your life, God forbid. He wants to post a picture of me, great, awesome. But it's just not anyone's business. And it just leaves room for so many problems that Because of outside, it causes problems in the relationship. Because everybody's, we can't say that word. I don't know anybody that's not affected by what's said to them. Especially in the industry. Everybody's so like, you famous, you shouldn't care. You living this, your life's so great. You're not supposed to care. Why do you even- But you're human. I'm a person. Right. I'm a 21-year old person. Everything gets to me. Right. You know what I mean? One day I'll have thicker skin. It'll still get to me. Just in a less heavy way, but, yeah, it's just not anyone's business. You've been compared to some really great other artists. Such as like TLC and Aliyah. How do you feel about some of these comparisons? Do you feel like it puts pressure on you? I don't think it puts any pressure. I just take it as a compliment. I've never listened to someone's music and be like, my God, I'm gonna be like that, or I'm gonna do that. Have I been heavily influenced by a set of years, by a generation? Right. By Style of music? Yes. I love 90s music. I love the early 2000s. I love girl group vocals. I love things like that. I like 90 style vocals but I never been directly influenced by single person except maybe India Arie. India Arie, so. Yeah. Yes India Arie. Yeah she's my favorite person in the whole world. Yes. Super talented. In the whole world. Super, super talented. So outside of music, will we ever see Khelani in like movies, TVs, directing, fashion line. Are there other interests? Yeah. I wanna do a bunch of stuff behind the scenes. I really wanna get heavily involved in youth and kids. I really wanna do kids TV shows and Do voices for kid t.v. shows and write a kids book. And right now I'm just working on kinda thinking of programs and things I can do for young women because that's pretty much my main focus is just taking initiative to be hands on with young girls because So many things get sweeped under the rug with us that start with the basic things like do you have self esteem issues? Did you have a mother in your life? Did you have positive women around you and things like that. So that's kind of the things I want to get into and less of like, franchising necessarily famous things. Right. The expected if you will. Yeah, I kind of just want to be hands-on in my community and use my power in that way. [UNKNOWN] do reality TV? Never in my life. I salute you on that, [LAUGH] I don't think it's my thing, it's great for people who can really handle that but just knowing that real things are scripted just doesn't register to me like hey we're gonna put these two people who don't like each other in a restaurant and get them drunk and sees what happen and I think it's such a set up and it's so unfair [UNKNOWN] It allows young people to watch it and think that's either what really goes down and what should go down. Right. And I'm just like, we're making a mockery of ourselves, you know what I'm saying that? I feel like there's so many powerful woman with real stories to tell, who been through real things, who are going through real things, on those shows. And instead it's Who are you fighting and who's man are you having sex with? Right. And who's, it's just the wrong things. Right. And it's just making us so goofy, man. Mm-hm, I definitely, definitely agree with you on that. Thank you so much [UNKNOWN] for coming. Thank you for having me. For your amazing music. Everybody please go out and support. She's an amazing artist. You can buy her new album Sweet Sexy Savage everywhere right now. [MUSIC] Hey, I'm Kelly Rowland and you're watching Essence Live. [NOISE] You're watching Essence Live. I'm senior relationships and lifestyle editor Charli Penn All right y'all today is Valentine's Day which means it's a day of love, a day of embraces, and a day of making it hot between the sheets, right? Well if your sex life is in need of some help, we got you. Our expert panel is here to answer all of your uncomfortable and taboo questions about sex. Joining me is life coach and author of Don't Be a Wife to a Boyfriend, 10 Lessons I Learned While I Was Single, Shanda Brown White, psychologist Michelle Hope, and creator of UntilIGetMarried.com, Joseph Cummings. Welcome everyone. Thank you. So happy to have you here. Ready to talk about sons? All right panelists. We've got some really interesting questions so let's get into it. Our first question is, it's reading, my fiancee really wants oral sex but I don't want to do it and I don't know that i ever will. Should we still get married? Shonda, you can take this one. Wow. Okay. Should they go down the altar? Yes, but obviously they need to have a conversation. I'm one of those that believes that You need to talk, if you can't talk all the way with your partner about any and everything then you probably shouldn't get married in the first place. So you can still get married I really don't know why they jumped to should I still get married when it's like have you even have this conversation with your partner like. Does he know that you don't want to or is there are reason why you don't, like did you have a bad experience with it, like we need to know more information and your partner needs to know like why you feel like that because if you get married and that's something that you are like I don't do it and he doesn't know. Right. It could potentially set you up. Yeah, so it sounds like there's some conversation that needs to happen here. Exactly. Tell me what you think. Well I think a couple things. When it comes to sex, all things are negotiable. And I think that when you're walking into a marriage, understanding that Sex is not at the highest priority cuz let's face it, honey, after a few years the sex can get boring. Okay. But you have to have other things that can sustain your intimacy levels, your connections. Now, when it comes to giving oral. Let's face it, there maybe something you really really like Sexually that your partner is not into. It happens. So going back to the ideas of negotiation what are you willing to negotiate? In other words okay I might not wanna do this always, but I would be willing to do it on x, y and z. Accords, right. Right, that's really great advice. But I really wanna know what the man thinks. [UNKNOWN] what do you think? I think the negotiations sounds like a good idea in theory but there there has to be a great way to bring it up where that conversation seems very organic. How fast? JUst If I want to have a serious conversation with you about your unwillingness to give me oral sex, I think that conversation needs to have The right tone in order to really resonate and be effective. I also think that it's something that maybe should not be talked about in the heat of the moment. So when you guys are usually about to get hot and heavy and then you think, it's about to happen and then it doesn't happen and then you're like, here we go again and then you start an argument. That's not when it happens, right. But then pour some drinks, sit down, you know. Split a bottle of wine, and just talk about those things. So let's move onto our next question, you guys. You ready? We're heating things up here. My girl always calls me Daddy during sex,should I be worried? Joseph, what are your thoughts on this? We're really going to let you start this one. [LAUGH] No, you shouldn't be worried. That's nothing to worry about. Obviously, she has, that's her thing. But I had written a post on my site, untilIGetmarried.com, a long time ago about how my. I became uncomfortable with asking women to call me daddy cuz then I was like I might be a father one day. That's gonna be weird. So you guys can maybe think of some other names .There's other names that Exactly Like what? Daddy. That's a good one. Authority though. If what she's really into is like some sort of authority figure you know and that's like kind of= So it's roleplay. Yeah it's a roleplay thing. I don't know King? President? You know I'm just throwing it out there. Captain? Okay. Well you know what I like those options. Let's see what else we have. My boyfriend finishes really fast during sex, now that's the problem, sometimes within the first minute. How do I get him to last longer,? [SOUND] Michelle, which tips do you have for this, let's go to the sexologist here. Well I think there's a few things, one,I don't wanna offend anybody here but porn is the big problem In our bedroom and in our relationships has take over to everywhere, it's really easily accessible to the people and a lot of people are gaining exposure to point a lot more than we think they would make. So there is couple of things, one is the technical hygiene that many can do What's that? Where it's kind of like an exercise, where you'd want them to get aroused. And you're going through the sexual response cycle, and you get them to the plateau phase right before orgasm. And then right when a man feels like he wants to orgasm he wants to grab the base of his shaft, and underneath the scrotum, and kind of put some pressure there. And stop whatever is happening for him to want to ejaculate. Because you can teach the body to last longer in bed through combination of masturbation and this process called edging. It can really help To prolong gay, a man sustainability. That's one, now two, let's not just hop right in the P, P,. Okay. Take it slow. Yeah! and that's what i was saying, porn, always just give us right to the action. bang! Genitals to genitals. boom! But that's not how women are warm up, it takes women about 15 to 20 minutes to get to the, Stage of plateau, before they reach orgasm and for men it's a lot quicker. So what I may suggest is a little bit more appropriate. Bring back the finger [UNKNOWN], pay attention to those boobies. Take your time before we go into actual penile vagina penetration and that can really, really help. How we say women are microwaves, right? I mean, women are ovens, men are microwaves. So I agree totally. All right, moving along, our next question is, when I tell men I just want a sex buddy, they start acting weird. What gives? [LAUGH] I thought men liked casual sex. Shawnda, what are your thoughts here? Sex buddies, let's talk about it. Let's be real. There's a double standard out there. Men can sleep around with women. They can have sex buddies, friends with benefits, all day long, but I'm sorry. It's okay. If you're a girl and you're doing that they're gonna classify you as a garden tool a lot of times. And so the guys are probably feeling like listen I don't know why you just want a sex buddy. How many sex buddies do you have? They could assume that you're were doing this with different people and also guys are kind of like territorial at some times. And so they don't wanna feel like they're just your sex buddy. They wanna feel, I mean obviously the guy's As she's with maybe they want a relationship, I don't know. But obviously, if you're just coming at them like I just want a sex buddy. It kinda sets the tone like you're just, all you want is sex. Right. And guys don't, I think guys Traditionally the kind of, they're okay if they say that. But they don't want to hear a woman saying that. Jonathan looks like he really wants to jump in here. It takes away the power from the guy. And that's why some guys may be turned off. From a woman say not. I'm not saying that I agree with them. I'm not saying that men treat you that way. It's just that men wanna often times dictate to times on relationship. And therefore when a woman puts it out there first, they're not, wait what, I'm supposed to be the one who says this. And so I would often, I would also advise that woman that that's not somebody that she wants to get into a casual relationship with. Makes sense. Because that is a man that will continue to find ways to control the relationship Or put the relationship on his terms even if it's a casual one. Got it. Okay. So we've heard from the fellow, we've heard from the ladies. I like both sides. Let's see what we have next. I want my husband and I to have a threesome with another man, not a woman. How do I convince my husband to get on board? Shanda we'll start with you. Well, They can disagree with me, but listen, there is no other man coming, or no other woman, no other man coming up in my bedroom, just point blank simple. So your just not even gonna try to convince your man? Yeah, and it's like, I mean we talked about, one of the things about being married is that you want to communicate to your husband and his ego. So for you to want to invite, I mean, I know it's trendy, and if that's what you do, to each its own. But for me, I feel like if I'm gonna communicate to his ego, one of the things I want him to know is he's my man, he's my king, whatever I'm calling him. You know what's going on, so I don't want another man to come in there and to defile our bedroom. Because for me, I just don't think that, that's not anything that I would do. So that just wouldn't be your fantasy at all. Yeah, it just wouldn't be, but if that's something that she's wanting to do, obviously she's gonna need to communicate that with him. Do I think he's gonna go for it? Probably not, because Most, I think a lot of men from what I can tell, they're okay with threesome if it's a female. Well, let's ask one cuz those in your hair I mean and I'm saying that to say this is definitely the question I need you to answer because you have to speak for the fellas here. Because it's woman if we want to go there this is gonna be a tricky subject. I mean if I'm speaking for the fellas I think it's a Easy answer of just- Really? No, like that's not going to happen. I haven't had a conversation with a guy who has said like they want that to happen. But let's take me out of the equation in terms of my own personal preferences and the preferences of the guys that I know. Your husband should know that you have that side of you, that desire in you. And I guess the way you coud go ahead and you could Bring that up is just one, do your research into that sort of lifestyle. And kind of try to get some anecdotal evidence, some testimonials, and things like that. Things that you can gather. Present some facts. Present him facts. Okay. Say, see it isn't what you think it is. Okay. These other people have had a different experiences with it. And maybe. He will get on board after you go ahead and you do that because again, you have to understand, most men who have an image of that sort of thing don't have a positive one. Right, it's not a fantasy for them. Right. Exactly. And they could have done something like that at some point in their life, when they were more in their reckless days or things like that. And once again. Not a positive image that they have, right? So I think what the woman has to do in this situation is present it as his wife. You know what I'm saying? I want you? Yeah. Okay. You're my husband, I am your wife, these are the ways that you have to present it. You can't present it the way. You're watching some adult video and that goes down and, yo, that looks really interesting. No, that's a fantasy. That's not real. You know what I'm saying? So what are you really talking about? Thank you All for that, fantastic advice. Well, there it is Essence Live fans. Hopefully these answers will help you and yours live best sex life this Valentines Day. Thank you to Shonda, Michelle and Josen for that great advice. More Essence Live is up next [MUSIC] You're watching Essence Live. I'm Charli Penn and before we get the results of our viewer poll I want to read a quick letter from a viewer about last week's show where we discussed actor Woody McClain's tweets praising white women. jackie Campbell wrote, My 11 year-old nephew who's parents are both black says he wanted a Puerto Rican girl with straight hair. Ideally I would love for black men to wake up and thank these beautiful black women who have held them down, marched in the streets protesting, held down the family, and taken care of the kids. History has not been kind to us, and it's time for us to stick and stay together. Divided, we will fall very fast. Indeed Jackie. Thanks so much for watching and writing in. And speaking of your comment, let's check in one last time with Kayla. Who's manning our social media feed. Hey, Kayla. What we have? So, Tyrone Davis had a comment about our Valentine's Day sex panel. He said sex is very important in a relationship, so be open with your partner and explore each other. We had a poll question earlier in the show. Do you think Adele was sincere in her Grammy comments about Beyonce? A for yes, B for no. So Mila Star says yes Adele was sincere people are used to people being shady that they missed true sincerity. Just an interesting point. Maria Harrison said Adele knew that she didn't deserve this so she did it out of guilt. Pity comment. Yvonne Wright Johnson says I truly believe that Adele would be genuine. She is very humble. I know she's been hurt so many times. Cuz she wants to do the right thing and one of my favorite from Terry [UNKNOWN] who said when Adele said my black friends I immediately was like gulp here goes the [UNKNOWN] So that was interesting. [UNKNOWN] Adele's comment. [UNKNOWN] I thought she was sincere, when she first started to speak I was thinking 2014 Grammy's Macklemore [UNKNOWN] What's happening right now? [UNKNOWN] Grammy to say thank you , but I heard the whole thing, and I do think she was sincere. And let's not forget, she broke the award in half. That's huge. That happened. Touching, touching. I thought so>> Well thanks Kayla. Ok, it's time to see the results from the viewer poll. We asked, do you think Adele was sincere in her comments about Beyonce at the Grammys? And here are the results of your votes. 98% yes. And 2% no. Well, there you have it. I mean, there were a few haters out there, so we had to ask, but it's great that you all agree with us. Thank you all for voting and watching. And, of course, a special shout out to Mack Wilds, Kalani, and all our guests for coming through today. If you miss any of today's show you can catch the replay shortly on essence.com, and see all of our videos on our YouTube page. [MUSIC] And remember to tune in next Tuesday at 3 p.m. for an all new Essence LIve. I'm Charlie Ben. Happy Valentine's Day. [MUSIC]

Feb, 15, 2017

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