There are some women who use their entire dating lives to figure out the kind of guys they absolutely will not date. He can’t have this. He shouldn’t do that. He has to make X amount of money, have this kind of education and be at least this tall to get any airplay.

I’m not one of those girls. I come from a hardworking blue-collar family—I’m the first to go to college, as a matter of fact—so I’ve got no business eliminating anybody from my pool of potential suitors because he didn’t go to the right school or doesn’t have a degree at all. For that same reason, I wouldn’t shut a dude down for not pulling in an income with wow factor, so long as he had a job and professional goals. He can be a janitor, but he darn sure better be striving to be the best janitor he can be and, if he’s real bad, plotting on his own janitorial business.

Still, my adventures as a single gal in the city have hipped me to some dudes who just don’t make sense. Like the guy who asked me out for lunch, then proceeded to shake me down for my views on abortion and the death penalty and told me that he was looking for a wife. I’m pretty sure he meant that afternoon. He was scary. And these fellas are, too:

The guy who hangs out with cheaters. It’s very possible for a man to run with dogs and not come up with ticks. But every time he goes out, it’s another chance for one of those buggers to jump on him. If all of his friends are stepping out on their girlfriends and wives, he’s in bad company.

The guy who blames everybody else for his problems. Oh, the angry Black man. Life is going to happen. To everybody. If he can’t learn from mistakes and understand the part he played in them, move on.

The guy who prides himself in being a good liar. If he’s perfected the art of lying to his boss, dodging his mother and crafting fibs for other folks, he’ll eventually get around to you.

The guy who doesn’t take care of his kids. I can’t understand a man who doesn’t engage with his babies. If I ask him how old his children are and he starts doing mental math, he probably needs to be spending more time getting to know his kids and less time playing Romeo.

The guy who spends on sneakers and video games but doesn’t pay his bills on time. If I see an 888, 866, 877 or 800 number in his caller ID and hear him talking in a low voice, and I know he just bought the 5,000th version of Madden, that’s a problem. He doesn’t have to make a lot of money, but he does need to prioritize what he has.

The guy who lets women stand around while he sits on his rusty derriere. On the train, in a waiting room, anywhere. It’s wrong. Automatic dismissal.

The guy who texts. He never calls. He just texts. There are very few reasons why a man could never pick up the phone and they usually sound like “girlfriend” or “wife.” Nobody is too busy for an occasional chat, and if he really is, then he’s not worth the time anyway.

The guy who calls other women out their name. If he reaches for the dreaded B word when he’s referring to another gal, it’ll be waiting in the wings for the time you tick him off, too.

The guy who doesn’t know anything about what’s going on in the news, community or politics. Once the giddiness of infatuation wears off, he has to have something to talk about, and there are too many issues in the world not to connect with one or two passions.

The guy who believes something is “a woman’s job.” It’s going to be hard to strive for greatness with Fred Flintstone by your side. If he thinks you’re the only one who can cook and clean, he’s stuck in the stone ages.

The guy who (Lord Jesus) doesn’t respect his mama. There’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that he’ll treat another woman right if he can’t do it for the woman who brought his crazy tail into the world. Run far, run fast.

The guy who spends more time in the mirror and at Macy’s than you do. There is such a thing as too pretty. Don’t make me pull out my red flag.

The guy who doesn’t believe in God. He ain’t gotta strap on a suit and be ready to explode into a shout and holler before y’all get through the doxology. But he does need to recognize that someone greater than him is doling out his blessings every single day. If he doesn’t, throw up the deuces.

Loading the player...