- “Strawberry Letters” are letters sent form fans of the “Steve Harvey Morning Show” and therefore do not express the sentiments of ESSENCE Magazine or ESSENCE.com. As these are fan letters, we have left them as close to their original form as possible.
Strawberry Letter” franchise that is so popular on “The Steve Harvey Morning Show,” heard nationwide. Send in your letters and Shirley Strawberry will dish out the necessary advice. Today’s topic: No more sex Hello, I am a male who has been in a relationship with a woman for about a year and a half. Everything was going great until she dropped the bomb on me. She does not want to have sex with me anymore. When we first started dating, she told me she was a virgin. Yet it only took us about two months to have sex. I’m 32 and she is 27. Everything was going great. I felt like this was the woman that I was going to marry. We talked of marriage before and being realistic I told her we would need maybe another two years to get our finances right. She seemed to be OK with this and that goal seemed OK. One month ago she comes up with this idea that she wants to be celibate until she gets married. My jaw dropped. I was hit hard trying to figure what I had done or why. Could it be that she thinks I’m not the one she’s going to marry. She tells me she’s been going to church and they told her to stop having sex. Now mind you she is 27 but goes to teen bible study and has an age 5-15 Bible. That seems a little odd to me that you’re 27 and you go to teenage bible study because the adult bible study doesn’t talk about anything that interests you. I’m thinking, “you have been going to church since I met you.” Sex seems to be the only thing she wants to change. She sees nothing wrong with drinking, going to the club with her girlfriends or wearing revealing outfits a-la Beyonce or Rhianna. Steve, I need help. I can’t wait two years to have sex with this woman. It’s been one month already and our relationship is starting to suffer. She told me waiting would make our relationship better. I didn’t believe it for one minute. So we go from a passionate loving relationship to no sex, no foreplay, no holding, just nothing. Some days I’m OK, but other days I’m just pissed because how can she wear tight Beyonce-style jeans in front of me and sleep in the same bed as me and expect me to not be horny or upset about not having sex. This doesn’t seem normal in anyway to me. She does not even seem to get horny or even seem like she misses sex at all. I love this woman, Steve, but the lack of physical contact is just killing me. She says this is God-based, so I feel like I have no argument. I didn’t even get a warning — just boom, nothing. I’m waking up in the middle of the night like I’m 14 years old with wet dreams and she’s sleeping like a baby. I know sex isn’t everything, but I feel like I’m losing my connection to her. I don’t want to leave her. What do I do Steve?