Every day we feature the beloved “Strawberry Letter” franchise that is so popular on “The Steve Harvey Morning Show,” heard nationwide. Send in your letters and Shirley Strawberry will dish out the necessary advice.
Today’s topic: Can a Player Change?
I am so excited to have found this website and I think you may be the only place I can turn to for help! No one can wrap their head around my situation long enough to provide any kind of hope or guidance. You see, I am a White 44-year-old female and my partner is Black and is 51. The problem is since the day I met him he has lived a double life and I had no idea. I feel so naive now to admit this, but I actually had no clue what a player he was. I have since gotten a fast-track education on the issue. After 10 months of dating, I found out he was married and living with his wife. I know what you are thinking — “How the heck did I not know this?” Well, actually I didn’t know because he spent all of his time with me and he lied and lied to cover up his life. After 10 months, I discovered, quite by accident, that he lived with his wife. It was completely devastating because I truly had no idea. He told me he lived with his aunt and uncle (from the Caribbean) and that they didn’t approve of him dating White girls and didn’t want any at the house. Stupidly, I believed him and never pushed the issue. Looking back, I am so sad that that kind of trust was so freely given and the betrayal was so deep. But of course, by this time, we had a beautiful love together that was incredibly hard to walk away from, particulary with him beggning me for forgiveness and asking me for time for him to end his relationship. I actually know he would leave there in a heartbeat now if I agreed to have him and he swears that he has never loved and been loved the way we love, and wants to change his life, but of course I do not trust anything he says. I do see changes in him though. He has also been to therapy with me several times and has opened up like he has never done before. The problem is there are not many Blacks were I live and no one can relate to his choices, his lifestyle and how to really help us from here, if it is even possible. How does one actually make this change, and can it happen? Truly, the one thing that has given us both hope is Steves book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” Truly, I believe this is actually why he feels for me so deeply because I do have very high standards and expect him to treat me well, as I do him. Anyhow, I am hoping that you may be able to direct us for help, even online help as we have no clue where to go from here. How does trust get rebuilt? Can a player change? My partner is trying so hard to change, but I do desperately wish he had some guidance, help or a mentor. Thank you for your kind consideration and we both love you, Steve. You are truly wonderful.
Blessings from Canada … xoxo
- “Strawberry Letters” are letters sent from fans of the “Steve Harvey Morning Show” and therefore do not express the sentiments of ESSENCE Magazine or ESSENCE.com. As these are fan letters, we have left them as close to their original form as possible.
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