• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK WOMEN COME FIRST

Every day we're serving Black women deeply. Come get a plate of goodness! Sign up for daily content and exclusive offers you'll love!

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and that you have read our Privacy Policy
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · News

The Write or Die Chick: Best Thing I Never Had

I wouldn’t necessarily classify myself as a Beyonce fan. She puts on a heck of a performance and I like a song here and there, but I’m generally drawn to music with a lot of depth...
The Write or Die Chick: Best Thing I Never Had
By · Updated October 28, 2020
I wouldn’t necessarily classify myself as a Beyonce fan. She puts on a heck of a performance and I like a song here and there, but I’m generally drawn to music with a lot of depth. So I’m more likely to have Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, Goapele and Teedra Moses on deck than I am to listen to Queen B. But every once in a while she drops a gem, and “Best Thing I Never Had” has been making me smile. Hard. Now that? That is a girl power anthem. And it doesn’t even include a dance sequence.

It reminds me of how different I was once upon a time — ten years ago now, even though it seems more like a century — when I was steady plotting, planning and pleading for the man I loved to love me back. He was the other party in my first real relationship, and I was good and strung out over that dude. I didn’t just fall in love. I somersaulted into it. He was my college sweetheart — and eventually, the father of my child — and if I had anything to say about it, we were going to live out our happily ever after. Despite all the odds against us, we were Huxtable-bound, hear me tell it. Love, I thought, would bind us together for a lifetime, even though we were barely 18 years into ours.

There’s always a reason to make a differentiation between how relationships start and how they finish. So here’s this one: in the beginning, we couldn’t get enough of each other. We hung out between classes, played around in the dorms, ate together in the cafeteria. Inasmuch as he was smart and funny and adorable as hell, my boo also had plenty of flaws. But his temper was the worst of them. Homeboy didn’t just get mad. He flew into rage. And anybody who had the misfortune of being in the line of fire — senior citizen, Boy Scout, paraplegic, whoever — ran the risk of getting dealt with if they crossed him at the wrong time, including me. 

That relationship struggled along for three years. Three long, should’ve-been-over-way-sooner years, which meant plenty of fights, not all of which escalated into that level of melodrama. But sometimes they did. And they always got progressively worse, to the tune of more bumps and bruises. The physical stuff was easy to get over compared to the baggage I carried around from years of wondering why he didn’t want me when a swift kick of good, common sense should’ve told me to be thankful that he didn’t. I forced myself on him, using our baby together and my desperation to be a tidy, little nuclear family as a reason to try (and try and try and try some more) to make it work. I was scared to be without him. But I was also compromising my self-esteem, my health and my heart by dragging out the inevitable. 

Of course now, when I look back, I’m fully aware that that thing was a toxic relationship. I don’t even think I realized then that it was. Ultimately, he ended up breaking up with me. That’s the only way it would’ve stopped because Lord knows when I would’ve become self-aware enough to realize our love affair was completely unhealthy. Sometimes even now, a full decade after we finally, officially called it quits, I break out in random praise to God for delivering me not just from being part of that couple, but from the defeated mindset I had. That was the lowest period of my life, without a doubt. Not just because I was chasing after him, but because I had started losing part of myself in the hunt.

If Janelle today could talk to Janelle back then, I’d cap off my lecture with a listen to “Best Thing I Never Had.” I’m no Beyonce, but I’m still a good thing. One day, he may regret the way he treated me. Maybe not. But it doesn’t matter. Because I regret the way I treated me. And I know I’ll never, ever let that scene repeat in my life script again. Lesson learned, my baby.


COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now