Last week’s episode of La La’s Full Court Life threw me for a loop. I became addicted to the show last season because La La Vasquez-Anthony was a different type of Black woman on reality TV: family-oriented and confident. And though she was very much a basketball wife, she wasn’t resting on her husband’s laurels. She was a wife and a mother still chasing her professional dreams, and I loved watching her drama-free shine.
On the season 2 premiere, though, the show seemed to be upping the conflict factor. La La called a sit-down with the assistant she had selected to work with her husband, New York Knick Carmelo Anthony. La La asked her if she was sexing him. The answer was a firm “no.”
The encounter stemmed from a conversation La La had with a male friend who questioned La La on whether it was prudent to have such a beauty working with her man, implying that late nights on the road would lead to a more than professional relationship between the two of them. Once that seed was planted, La La’s confidence in her marriage took a hit. The next time La saw her hubby, his assistant in tow, she threw shade at the assistant and kept a close eye on her man.
I sort of get it. The most confident of women have their insecure days. But it was the confrontation that had me saying “Oh, no!” at the screen. I literally cringed.
On two occasions, I’ve received calls from women asking me about the nature of my relationship with their men. One was a wife wondering how my number got in her husband’s phone. She was polite and although I immediately decided she was a nutcase, I put her at ease when I explained he was a friend from college who I ran into when visiting my hometown one weekend. The other was a belligerent woman ringing my phone too early on a Saturday morning demanding to know if her man was visiting me in New York. He wasn’t and I had never spoken to him beyond our initial contact exchange, but I hung up without telling her that. Both times, I marveled at their boldness and wondered why they were calling me and not their men. (Then I contacted the guys to let them know that they were with crazy ladies, in case they were unaware. I added that they should delete my number for their own use as well.)
I’ll be the first to say that if you have a question, ask. No sense in assuming or denying while driving yourself crazy. But it was whom La La, and the ladies who called my home, asked, not what. If they were wondering what’s up with their men, it’s their men they should have stepped to first. (Neither of the guys I called had any idea their significant others had been in their phone.) Confronting a woman you think is messing around with your man only lets a woman know that you have some problems at home, and if she actually has set her sights on him, she’s been shown a crack in the armor that may make it easier for her to slide on through. And too, the imaginary other woman isn’t responsible for making you secure in a relationship. Your man, however? Totally is. If you’re going to step to anyone, it should be him.
Demetria L. Lucas is the author of “A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria), in stores now. Follow her on Twitter @abelleinbk