Now, I have never fantasized of cutting an ex’s privates. That’s just too gory for me. But oh, yes, like most of you — real talk — I have had other dark, twisted and unbeautiful fantasies. For the man who stood me up on a major holiday, I wanted to send Brooklyn goons to his home to scare the beejeezus out of him so he would stop with the subliminal tweets (that all my friends could read) about how I didn’t know how to appreciate a good man. (Uh… good men don’t stand women up, *sshole!) I thought about going Jasmine-Sullivan style and busting the windows out his ride, then using my house key to carve some profane saying, It’s me m*****f*****!— in the driver’s side door. I daydreamed about going Angela Bassett crazy, invading his overstuffed-with-designer-wares closet and lighting all his ish on fire… inside his truck.
For the man I was dating that showed up to my personal celebration with another woman on his arm, I wanted to go Lisa Lopes mad and light a match. Every time I thought back about him looking so smug, I smelled smoke. Something had to burn!
But here’s the difference between me and Kieu, and hopefully you. I thought about all that… but I didn’t actually do any of it. And you know why? Because while it might be quite normal to have big payback fantasies after some man does you dirty, to actually act on them is what crazy people do. And while you, like me, may be fired up, and way over-imaginative, you cannot go stone-cold crazy, especially not over a man. What you get when you act nuts isn’t the soothing high of revenge, it’s charges like assault, battery, and arson.
Revenge-driven Kieu has been arrested on numerous charges, including aggravated mayhem, false imprisonment, assault with a deadly weapon, administering a drug with intent to commit a felony, poisoning, and spousal abuse. She in jail and being held on a $1 million bail. So if ever you consider acting out your revenge fantasies, think of Kieu. And if you still must get revenge, know that living well is always and in all cases your best shot.
Demetria L. Lucas is the Relationships Editor at ESSENCE and the author of “A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life” (Atria) in stores now. Follow her on Twitter: @abelleinbk