Not My Story…
In my life, more than one guy has told me on numerous occasions, “I just want to take care of you. Let me be your man.” While I take responsibility for the role I’ve played in my past failed relationships, the men in my life have failed at being MY man.
Yes, yes, yes I have been an “independent woman” for years now and I am head of my household; that is not because I want to be. Don’t think for a minute that I do not want a ‘man’ to come in and take the lead. I want a partner who I can trust to help manage our lives in a partnership.
Now, some women are offended by the thought of allowing man to be a man… “I’m capable of doing anything a man can and I don’t NEED a man for anything. I can hold this house down on my own and I can pay these bills and I can raise my children, and I can…blah, blah, blah.” They are correct. They can do anything they put their minds to and with God’s help they may even be successful, but just because one is capable does not mean one should.
My mother raised me. And she did a damn good job. The best she could. I am still bruised and healing from the absence of my father. PAUSE ~ He was not totally absent. He failed me in many ways. He was not the father I needed him to be; the one I know he could have been, however, please know that I am also very thankful for the support he did give my mother and me. PLAY ~
After I graduated from college, I recall standing in my mother’s kitchen talking to her about my life’s plan. “I’ll work for 3 years, go back to school, get my MBA, work for a year, and have a baby. By 27 I should be…” My mom stopped me, “PSM, I didn’t hear you say anything about a husband.”
I stopped and realized that I had never thought about a man and how he would add to my overall life. I had witnessed my mother do a damn good job without my father. I was a successful product of a single parent household… on paper. Mentally, I was hurt. Still wondering at 21 why my father lost interest in me at a steady pace after the age of five. Still wondering what role I played in his neglect and if I could have done anything differently.
I was afraid to entertain the idea of a mate or a husband because I did not want to ever have to apologize for the decision I made to have a baby by a man who failed my child the way my mother apologizes to me. My mom took my hand, looked me in my eyes and said, “Just because that was MY story does not mean it has to be yours.” I will never forget that conversation.
I slowly started to look at life differently. Today, I’m so excited by the thought of partnership and raising a family with my husband. My optimism helps me approach life, love, men and their role differently. Partnership with the right person is a blessing!
Building a strong foundation…
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