Last week I wrote an entry, and after reading a few comments and receiving a few emails, I realized that my message was lost in the surrounding “story…” My message was lost in the story — through my inability to clearly report the events and actions of the people. I was going to rewrite the entry in hopes of clarifying the message, explaining that I am not as judgmental as some suggested after reading my blog. Instead, I will leave it alone and focus on bettering my communication and my understanding of how and why people communicate.
I had a conversation with a very important friend today and it left me feeling uneasy. No matter what I said, he did not comprehend what I was attempting to convey. He heard me, but the understanding was not there. I was frustrated. The point I wanted to make was important to me, and his understanding of that point was equally important.
During the conversation, he went so far as to paraphrase what he interpreted after I said the exact opposite. With tears in my eyes, I said once more what I wanted him to understand and then killed the conversation and topic. But not before he told me I have a way of keeping things going and that I don’t know how to let go. Hmm.
PAUSE ~ I listen when people speak. I do my best not to make assumptions and I ask for clarification. I needed NO clarification when he said that. I have an issue with ALWAYS wanting to be understood. I also find that I have the need to explain all the time to make sure there is no misunderstanding. With age and constant self-improvement exercises, I am learning to choose my words carefully and with succinctness to avoid being redundant. ~ PLAY
I sat and thought long and hard about what had transpired. In my mind, I went over my words, tone, emotion, etc. And that is went it hit me… HARD. Like I always say, when all is said and done there is nothing left to say or do. Sometimes people will only hear what they want. Once you hit a certain point in a conversation with certain people, their understanding cannot be altered at that time.
Sometimes we have to let go. Maybe revisit it at a later date or chalk it up to a loss and hope it does not forever change the relationship. I am the first to admit that it’s hard to walk away or stop talking about something important when you feel that you point is missed. Do your best, be impeccable with your word and take comfort in knowing that you did all you could. And remember what you can and cannot control.
In my opinion, here is where we need to truly understand why we communicate. Are you communicating for a response, understanding, to make a point? In the end, what do you really want in return for what you’ve said? Are you going to get it? You know the answer. Act accordingly and let go…
Recognizing that I am so flustered by this conversation that I am having trouble writing…
Taking my own advice and letting go… 🙂
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