Today, I want to be present. I am. PAUSE ~ Trust me that is not easy for a self diagnosed pathological thinker. PLAY ~ I am truly enjoying this wonderful relationship that Cullen and I are building. It is the most honest, adult relationship I have ever encountered. We are not perfect. We are happy. We are supportive. We are partners. We are mirrors and sometimes we reveal things about the other that we knew but did want to face or we introduce a characteristic we never knew… I mean, isn’t that the point? Growth… Together?
Unfortunately, I am a bit jaded when I’m alone with my thoughts. Sometimes my mind drifts to my not so blissful past: abandonment, daddy issues, cheating boys and men who thought they were ready for a relationship only to admit, after I committed, they weren’t. Heartbreak is a beast and it leaves a hell of an impression on your heart — I know! Most of us would do almost anything to avoid heartache after experiencing it. However, the only feeling I’ve ever felt stronger than the betrayal or pain of having my heart broken is love.
Call me a hopeless romantic or call me a believer who will not allow anything or anyone stand in the way of my destiny. And so, yes, while my jaded mind plays tricks on me some days and leads me to thoughts of “what if,” my heart has a way of whispering to my soul and then my mind is cleared. Right here, right now is all I have. And I hold on to that until the next moment is upon me. Why would I allow fear to deprive me of experiencing the joys and wonders of today?
The truth is, we are supposed to learn the lesson and move forward with that knowledge. We are not supposed to stay so focused on the past that we become paralyzed. Imagine driving along the most beautiful, scenic route you’ve ever laid your eyes on. The music is comprised of all your favorite songs and the passengers are all of your favorite people. Along this road you are sure to make new memories, but your eyes are fixated on the rearview mirror. You just keep looking back. Well, not only have you missed the ride and all great happenings around you, you’ve crashed. I mean, your bound to if you don’t keep your eyes on the road ahead and immediately around you.
This is the start of yet another new year – 2011 brought about the best and the worst for many. It’s done. A memory. Embrace it — laugh, cry, mourn, reminisce, but just do it quickly and keep it moving — like a glimpse in the rearview mirror right before you single, change lanes and step on the gas. Forward with persistence and clear intentions!
Happy New Year!
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