• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · News

Plus Size Model in the City: Changes...

"I think the fear of words is something that came about and increased with life’s lessons," writes Plus Size Model.
Plus Size Model in the City: Changes…
Getty Images
By Plus Size Model in the City · Updated October 28, 2020

I’ve sat down on several occasions to write and… nothing. I’ve had little snippets of thoughts that I wanted to share, but it really wasn’t enough for a full entry. So today I searched Spotify for one of the greatest, Tracy Chapman, hit play and zoned out; desperate for inspiration. Truth is Tracy Chapman’s music—her voice and that acoustic guitar—has centered me since I was a young girl. I’ve always been an introspective person… in love with words and their impact. And fearful… of words and their impact.

I think the fear of words is something that came about and increased with life’s lessons. Before I truly understood disappointment and heartache, I was in a committed love affair with words and all things expressive. But you can understand how I grew weary of words and all their beauty after being exposed to betrayal, hurt and empty promises, right?

As I mature, I realize the importance of staying in the moment and being honest and present with my thoughts and words. I have been a pretty honest person when it comes to matters of the heart. I don’t take honesty and love lightly. I am also very loyal. For a long time, I wanted to tell a man I loved him and be certain that I would love him forever. And I would still like that to be true. Life has taught me, that people change and when they do so do their feelings. ~PAUSE~ I remember like it was yesterday the day that Mr. Fits Right (My long time followers know that name. For you new-bees, he is an ex-boyfriend with whom I was very much in love) and I had a conversation about our recent break-up. I was puzzled by his inability to continue to try after he had convinced me he would try forever. I dropped my guards and fell deeply in love. And when I questioned his previous words, he responded… “I meant every word when I said it. I don’t feel that way right now. I can’t do it.”  Years later, conversations later, hours of reexamining everything I did and did not do later, I understand the “whys” behind his exit and the personal pressures he was under and the choice he made. That does not change the soul shaking sting I experience when he said, “I don’t feel that way right now.” Nor does it change the joy and passion I felt when he first told me, “You are everything. I don’t need anything else. I don’t want anything else.” I was present in both moments which allowed me to feel every emotion at that time. ~PLAY~

As I type, I realize I’ve developed a desire to write with certainty too. Which really isn’t realistic or fair for my love of expression. Our feelings change daily, moment to moment and we should really accept each one as it comes. How you feel is all yours. Own it and do not apologize for it. But please work to understand your feelings and emotions.  I believe that is most important.

Swimming in feelings and a bunch of emotions that I’ll be back with…

XO~

Twitter: @PlusSizeModelNY

Facebook: PlusSizeModelintheCity

Drop me a line if you’d like: PlusSizeModel2010@gmail.com

COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now