After living the single life, the star of “Reno 911” and Style Network’s “Clean House” host Niecy Nash had some venting to do about the plight of a single sister. The bold and beautiful actress spoke candidly to ESSENCE.com about what all the single ladies need to look for to avoid the boy toys and snag them a GAM (Grown A– Man).
Let me start by saying I’m back on the block. After 16 years of marriage, three kids, stretch marks and three years as a divorcee, a diva is single these days and living the single life ain’t easy. I’ve seen many things that have made me scratch my weave. With that said I feel like I need to address this so that the ladies will know how to easily identify a Grown A– Man (GAM) rather than a silly boy. That’s what I’m looking to entertain is a good ol’ GAM.
Now, ladies, a GAM is brother who has great potential and is handling his business—God-fearing man, pays his bills on time, and at the bare minimum has great credit or is working to have a great credit score. He’s not a GAM if he lives in his mama’s basement, asks me to finance his career, needs to be issued a restraining order, drops me off to work in my car (something about that ain’t right!), aspires to be a rapper at 40, hustles and grinds because he’s still just trying make it happen (that’s translation for: “I don’t have my ish together; can I borrow $5 to get my car out of valet?”), asks me to visit him and come through the back door of his home quietly because he doesn’t want to disturb his baby’s mama, child and mother, who all live with him (some man really asked me this!) or considers his wife and children a “situation.” Say what? Your wife and kids are a “situation,” really?
When I truly examine the landscape of the dating game, it often seems bleak for a single mom of three like me. I’m not looking for a perfect man but a man who is perfect for me: his mayhem and my foolishness go together in perfect harmony. I hope that not only do real men exist, but that there are some that are single. It’s true when they say you attract what you are, so after a breakup you never want to return to dating feeling bitter, sad and angry with a chip on your shoulder because it’s so unattractive. Instead go through the breakup diet: lay in bed for three days, cry and sip on some champagne in-between. When you get up go to church, pray and get back out there.
Remember, you want to be the best version of yourself so you attract light and get that good loving when the time comes. Be sure to get rid of any negative attitudes and thoughts: all Black men are not married dogs and gay. If you put that out in the universe then you’ll get a double deal: you’ll find a man who is married and gay. Be sure to bring the life that you want into existence and if you are a good person then it stands to reason that you ain’t break the mold because you’re the last good person on this earth so you’re bound to find a good brother and believe that God is better than that; He ain’t gonna instill all that goodness in you and not bring it to you. Remember, a man who finds a wife is a good thing. When you become a wife, remember, don’t dismantle his manhood by doing too much. Sometimes when you’re single for too long you don’t know how to fall back, but be happy that for the first time in a long time you don’t need to be the man and the woman in your relationship.
Finally, don’t settle. Some women think they’ll take any man because it’s better than being alone. Don’t believe the hype. Believe that you deserve and want better than average. When you start dating again treat it like you’re unemployed, get out there with your resume, put a lil Dark and Lovely in that head, put on a nice outfit (don’t forget to Spankx it down to hold everything in) and see if you can land that gig that will suit your skills because a job is not going to just come knocking on your door. The reality is we know when a man isn’t right for us because frankly, you don’t have to eat the whole side of the cow to know it’s beef, all it takes is a bite. So don’t get caught up in your attraction for a potential mate because once the attraction wears off and his vital parts are no longer working, you’ll realize the foundation is fragile. Establish a friendship so even if the beauty fades you’ll always have a lifelong friend who you can play Bid Whist with and smile at him every day and say, “I love him, he’s my best friend!”
So to all the single ladies I’m going to borrow some of the greatest quotes from some of the finest brothers: keep hope alive like Jesse Jackson; have a dream like Martin Luther king, Jr.; and when you want to know if you’ll ever find the right man believe, “Yes I can!” like your President Obama.