Looking to bring the heat back into your bedroom? A few steamy words can go a long way toward lighting a spark between you and your man. “Speak up and your guy will know what you wish he would do and what you can’t get enough of,” says LaDawn Black, a relationship expert and author of Let’s Get It On: 15 Hot Tips and Tricks to Spice Up Your Sex Life (One World/Ballantine Books). The good news for women with timid tongues: There are plenty of ways to get naughty phrases out without having to worry about keeping a straight face or feeling embarrassed.
Try Sex Messaging
Sending a risqué text message to your guy’s cell phone or BlackBerry during the day is a great way to build anticipation for later that night, says Black. Just typing “I’ll be naked by 8:00 tonight,” “Guess what I bought at Victoria’s Secret today,” or something even steamier can do the trick. Text these seductive messages throughout the day, says Black, and you’ll both be thinking about good loving up until you finally get to it. Just be discreet so your suggestive notes don’t get you in trouble at work.
Leave a Vampy Voice Mail
“Calling your man to leave him a sexy message is a chance for the naughtier you to come out,” says Black. Do it when you know he’s not going to answer—or call his voice mail directly—if you’re worried about losing your nerve. Tell your beau, without giggling, what you can’t wait to do to him when he gets home, or mention a place on his body that you’d like to lick. He’ll be playing that message over and over again until it’s time to head home.
Learn Some Lines
Not ready to write your own salacious script for talking dirty? You can further ease into racy talk by taking cues from—you guessed it—porn, suggests Miranda Austin, a phone sex worker and author of Phone Sex: Aural Thrills and Oral Skills (Greenery Press). Rent a movie (from a store or your cable company) or sneak a DVD from your man’s personal collection. “After you put it on, close your eyes and just listen,” says Austin. Focus your attention on what the woman says to her partner and how she says it. Mime the words, or jot them down on a notepad and study the script.
If porn isn’t your cup of tea, open up an erotic book (or just browse at a local store) to help build up a kinky vocabulary. If you’re the timid type or want to get more comfortable, Austin recommends Exhibitionism for the Shy: Show Off, Dress Up and Talk Hot by Carol Queen (Down There Press).
Make an Obscene Phone Call
Maximize those cell phone minutes by putting them to good use. Dialing your man’s digits and greeting him with your foxiest bedroom voice makes for a real erotic time. This is a great precursor to a sexy in-person encounter, because you don’t have to look him in the eye. You can drop a few lines that you picked up from movies or, suggests Austin, recall a past time together. “Do you remember the night I wore my miniskirt and stilettos to your friend’s party, and we only stayed for half an hour?”
Tell him exactly where you want him to touch you, and encourage him to take over the bawdy conversation—let him describe his favorite places on your body and tell you what he wants to do to you in vivid detail. “A few choice words are the perfect confirmation to let him know when he’s getting it right,” says Black. You’ll be sure to get an instant replay.
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