It’s easy to roll your eyes at Oscar-winning actress and comedian Mo’Nique after her recent remarks about giving her husband, Sidney Hicks, a hall pass to cheat, but if you look a little bit closer, you will see that she does have a point; just not about the cheating….it’s the sharing part that makes sense.
“See, when you’re with your best friend and you say to your best friend, ‘I’m having these feelings about this person, sexually and I wanna share it with you’.. when you’re best friends, you can have those open and honest conversations,” she said.
While simply admitting you desire someone else doesn’t necessarily give you a free pass to do something about it, this isn’t a conversation married couples should stay away from. Especially those who want to keep their foundations solid. A woman should definitely tell her husband when she’s sexually attracted to someone else, because, well, let’s be real here, she would definitely want to know when he is!
When experts say that communication is key in a healthy relationship, it may be cliche but it’s still true. They’re not talking about only sharing what you had for lunch or what you did at work that day, they’re recommending that you swap all your feelings, thoughts and stories—good, bad and ugly! I’m with you Mo on that one, but it’s what she believes should happen next, that’s where I begin to adamantly disagree.
“Because [that person you want to sleep with] may give you something that I’m simply not willing to do,” she explains. “And if that’s the case, how can I be mad? Because I’m not gon’ do it. Should I deprive you of not having it? That’s when the relationship is real real.”
Yes, it’s really really wrong! The way I see it, you don’t get to have everything you want in a marriage. It’s always going to be about compromising, not conceding.
While your spouse does deserve your honesty, even if they won’t love what they’re going to hear, they deserve your loyalty, too.
To go the “hall pass” route gets complicated, and unless you’re both ready to go “there” with your marriage—and risk the outcome of your open relationship—I think some things are best kept in you and your partners’ head.
Maybe this is a case of “speak about it, just don’t be about it.” You know?