Personal finance coach Lynnette Khalfani-Cox graced the 2016 ESSENCE Festival‘s Money & Power stage on Friday for a “Money with Hunny” conversation detailing the importance of keeping healthy dialogue around finances with your significant other.
Khalfani-Cox shared a number of gems relating back to her own relationship. “If he feels like he’s supposed to automatically outearn you or that he’s supposed to be the primary breadwinner,” she started, “Or if he’s bothered by your success, sometimes it can be pulling you back.
“My husband is like this…,” she said, taking a step back and holding one hand up to the rafters. “‘Shine baby. Do you.’ He supports me in every way.”
It works for them—next year the couple will celebrate their 10-year anniversary. “My man can hold it down in the bedroom and the boardroom. So I call him my soulmate because I know I found the one.” Khalfani-Cox says that her husband, Earl, is more of a partner than anything.
“You don’t have to be less than, to make your man feel [like he’s] more than. Even if you’re financial opposites, as long as you’re willing to work together… Be on the same page in terms of the vision for where you want to go together,” she added.
She spoke of an instance where she was doing a joint seminar with her husband in New York and someone asked if he “minded” his wife being “front and center, the face of the company.”
“He said ‘No,’” she recalled. “Earl teaches our three kids that our house is a farm and on a farm, everybody has a responsibility and a role to play. He says, ’Does it really matter who milks the cow? No. Y’all get milk, y’all get cheese. Everyone eats.”
At the end of it all, the financial coach holds steadfast to what she calls her three major money lessons:
1. Stop trying to rescue people or get rescued: “Prince Charming ain’t coming and you don’t need to be the hero or heroine. Take off the cape. All that stuff always backfires.”
2. Value financial intimacy over physical intimacy: “Having financial intimacy means having the tough conversations. Yes, you need to know his credit score. Yes, you need to know his savings and debt. You need to know all of that.”
3. Always have a Plan B: “Think about the Plan B and the next generation. I’ll leave you with this word from the Bible: A wise man plans for his children’s children. A wise woman does too.”
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