Death and legacy planning rarely enter everyday conversation.
Wills, life insurance policies, medical directives, and funeral arrangements are often postponed until a crisis strikes. However, for many Black women and their allies, these essential conversations are beginning earlier and in unexpected places, shifting estate planning from a silent topic to an act of empowerment and protection.
Across group chats, coffee dates, and late-night phone calls, they are bringing estate planning out of isolation and into the community. This shift matters in a country where most people remain unprepared. Pew Research Center’s report How Americans Are Thinking about Aging finds that only about three in ten Americans have a will or living will, and just one in five have made funeral or burial arrangements. Among African-Americans, the gap is even more pronounced: roughly half say estate planning is “very important,” yet a majority do not have wills or trusts. The consequences are both financial and emotional, as families often turn to crowdfunding platforms like GoFundMe to cover funeral costs — about 125,000 campaigns annually, raising an average of only $2,600, far short of the $6,000–$8,000 typical cost of a funeral.
For women like Fiona Simpson, Lydia Elle, and Taiia Smart Young, planning ahead is about something deeper than paperwork. It’s about removing uncertainty for the people they love—and ensuring that no one has to navigate grief while also trying to guess what comes next.
The Joke that Told the Truth about Estate Planning
For Simpson, an Atlanta-based ally and principal at ReflectPath, the first step toward estate planning began with a joke that told the truth. “We were in our group chat complaining about how much ‘adulting’ we needed to do,” she recalls. “Updating wills, financial documents, all of it. I joked that we should do a girls’ weekend where we hole up in a hotel, order room service, and just knock everything out together.”
The weekend never unfolded exactly as planned, but the idea stuck. Simpson and her friends began checking in with one another about their estate planning progress—sharing where important documents were stored, discussing guardianship plans for children, and reminding each other to follow through on updates.
One of those conversations prompted a major change for a friend. “The will she had written years earlier named her sister as guardian for her kids,” Simpson says. “But her family dynamics had shifted. Talking about it with us pushed her to update it instead of putting it off again.”
The practical benefits were immediate, but Simpson says the deeper impact has been emotional. “We now know what each other’s wishes are,” she explains. “If something were to happen, there’s less confusion and less pressure on the people left behind.”
Raising a Black Trust Fund Baby—On Purpose
A former credit analyst, Elle spent years studying how financial systems work. She understood credit structures, risk assessment, and how institutions make decisions about money. But when it came to protecting wealth across generations, she realized something was missing. “The mechanics of finance were accessible to me, but the knowledge of how to secure wealth across generations, how to protect what you build and pass it forward — that wasn’t as freely shared. It lived in certain circles, certain families, and certain conversations I wasn’t always invited into,” reflects Elle.
An unexpected car accident on her way to pick up her daughter forced her to jumpstart planning despite not feeling ready. “The language of trusts and wills felt very foreign, but I realized after the accident I now needed to learn it.”
And it was a close friend, who, through their informal “money talks,” encouraged her to stay the course despite the challenges of recovering from the accident and navigating the world of estate planning. “When I started voicing those concerns to my friend, she was honest: she didn’t have the legal expertise to walk me through it either. But what she did have was consistency. She kept showing up, kept asking questions, and kept gently pushing me to follow through.”
The space created between Elle and her friend to talk about estate planning offered something unexpected: healing. “Our money talks gave me somewhere to land,” she says. “Somewhere to be vulnerable while doing something that felt very serious.”
Today, the work has brought her a sense of peace. “My daughter won’t be starting from scratch the way I did,” she says. “She’ll be starting from the foundation of what I’ve built.”
Writing the Final Chapter on Your Own Terms
Just as Elle’s establishment of a trust offers financial clarity and peace of mind for her daughter, Smart Young has taken this principle to heart, meticulously preparing her funeral and obituary so her son knows exactly how to honor her life when the time comes.
For Smart Young, the seed of end-of-life planning was planted decades ago by her grandmother. When she was just 22 years old, her grandmother encouraged her to purchase life insurance. “At the time, I thought, ‘Why do I need that? I’m young,” Smart Young recalls. But her grandmother’s advice stuck: “She told me it’s not for you—it’s for the people you leave behind, so they have something to bury you with, and you leave them with something.”
Over time, that early lesson grew into a broader practice of planning not only the financial aspects of death, but also how she wanted her life to be remembered. A storytelling strategist and owner of Smart Girl Media, Smart Young has spent years helping others write obituaries that honor the fullness of a life lived. Too often, she says, tributes reduce a person’s story to a list of dates, jobs, and relatives squeezed into the small space between birth and death. “I’ve seen people try to cram the most mundane details into that dash,” she explains.
When it comes to her own send-off, Smart Young has decided to write the narrative, ensuring her family has everything they need: instructions, photos, an approved guest list, and an obituary outline that reads less like a notice and more like a story. “I’m still an editor,” she notes. “I want to edit this final piece of copy and have it presented in a way that celebrates my life.”
Her vision is vivid. A large photograph—or several—will greet guests. Her favorite music will be playing. The images displayed will capture the spirit of her life. The repast, she says, should feel less like mourning and more like a celebration. “I want people to say she lived a wonderful life. We’re going to play my favorite music because I already have a playlist. We’re going to look at my favorite photos because I’ve already picked them.”
Planning these details now gives new weight to her grandmother’s advice, decades later: as a mother, she understands what it truly means to protect the people you love from unnecessary stress. Smart Young has one son, and she wants his role in those difficult days to be simple—to grieve, to remember, and to follow the plan she has already laid out. “It’s going to remove so much stress for him. There won’t be any heavy lifting of wondering, ‘What would Mom want?’” she explains. Everything he needs to know will already be there—even down to the outfit.
Estate Planning Together is Communal Care
Planning for the end of life is never meant to be done alone. Simpson, Elle, and Smart Young show how leaning on community—friends, family, elders, and trusted confidants—can transform what feels like a heavy, lonely responsibility into an act of care and protection.
For Black women and their allies, this is both a tradition and a strategy. As the popular African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.” By showing up for each other, holding one another accountable, and sharing hard-earned wisdom, they ensure that the people they love are safeguarded, supported, and seen.
Let this be an invitation: Embrace the courage to plan with those you love. In doing so, you honor your own story, protect your legacy, and offer your loved ones clarity and comfort. True community endures not just in the moments we share, but in the futures we intentionally build—together.
Kara Stevens, EdM, is the founder of The Frugal Feminista and author of heal your relationship with money and Unmasking the Strong Black Woman. Connect with her on LinkedIn.