In the second session of my coaching program I review the client’s “deal breaker” list. As you can imagine, I’ve heard just about everything, some more surprising than others. Read the 10 deal breakers I often hear but I wish people would remove from their lists altogether, and why.
The argument I hear the most for why this rule is so important is that teeth are a reflection of how men live their lives. Not at all! We all consume lots of staining foods and drinks. Whitening teeth is easily done but not always highest priority. Drop this from your list, please.
Unless you want to eliminate 86% of all men, this is a deal breaker you must drop from your list. I also can’t accept the argument “but Paul, when I wear my 5-inch heels I need him to be taller than me.” If being shorter than your guy is so important, drop the height on the heel!
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had a pimple, or two, or three. I recall having a terrible acne problem until my wife helped me find a good system to use. Bottom line is acne skin is not reflective of anything substantial enough to dismiss someone over. Take this one off your list.
Most foul odor inside the mouth comes from not flossing. According to WebMD, two third of Americans (both men and women) don’t floss daily. Let’s face it, bad breath isn’t appealing, but it’s fixable. Buy him some floss, mouthwash, and mints and take it off your list.
Class 3 Malocclusion is another tooth issue i hear about! Okay, this is not super popular across all of my clients, but I have heard it enough to warrant adding it to this list. I actually had to lookup it's meaning, and I was blown away with what it is - a severe underbite. While a Class 3 is one of the more complicated orthodontic problems to correct, it is correctable. Put this guy back on your list, please.
Unless he cuts you when shaking your hand, this is an issue that can be managed. I’ve had several male clients with this problem who didn't even realize this was a big deal. They viewed this as more of a trivial feature of grooming and didn't realize how much this weighed on their outward projection, not just in dating but also in other daily interactions. You'll find this is an easy fix and well worth it if he's otherwise the right guy for you.
I think this one hit home because I call my mother nearly every day. I just don’t understand why a man who checks in on his mother frequently has an issue. Some may call this being a “mammas boy,” but I call it, anything but a deal breaker.
Making over $100K has become one of the most sought after, yet meaningless "success" targets of dating. Your guy may be ambitious and passionate about his work, but perhaps he's a schoolteacher or a mechanic who may never reach an annual six-figur salary throughout his career. What really matters is how well he manages and saves his money. Think about it. Please take the six-figure hurdle off your list.
His fashion sense has zero reflection on the quality of person he is. Also, let's face it, style is completely subjective. If he genuinely cares for you, has aligned values and vision for the future, plus you're otherwise physically attracted to him, then he's a keeper. If his fashion choices are still a thorn in your side, go shopping with him and show him what looks good on him. Give him a chance!
This one has surprisingly come up in many conversations (mostly with professional women). "Paul, I need clean cut" is what I hear. When I drill down to why, it's always a superficial assumption like "I don't believe my colleagues would understand" or "most men in the past I have met with hair styles like that haven't been ambitious." These are all assumptions and you know how the saying goes: when you assume you make an ass of you and me.
Comments, concerns or questions about my advice? Tell me about it below! Paul Carrick Brunson is a 2013 NAACP Image Award nominee and a 2012 iDate Matchmaker & Relationship Coach Of The Year nominee. His bestselling book It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be) is in stores now. Contact him directly on Facebook or Twitter anytime or visit his website.
