I got a lot of wonderful and positive feedback about my column last week, so first off I want to say thank you! When I chose to write this column, I vowed that I would use this as a platform to show that Singlistas should not have to bear the scarlet letter “S” (for single in this instance) as a mark of shame for being single. Being single is empowering, it can be fun, but in all reality it can be challenging. But quite frankly marriage is as well; I have been there, done that, so I know. Everything in life has its challenges; but as the old adage goes: “Nothing in life is easy”. It may not be easy, but we can sure try to have fun in the process. In trying to deal with some of my issues of dating last week, I chose to write about a recent date and my demons that I routinely struggle with. One of my friends asked me point blank, “Why would you choose to give guy some shine and you’ve only gone out on a few dates with him”. I thought, hmmm what an interesting question. Let me be clear, this column is about me as a single woman and about US as single women, not about some nameless, faceless guy I may or may not go out on another date with. I wanted to give a voice to some of the issues that we as women face. The only difference between us is that I chose, and am blessed to be able to write about my challenges on Essence.com. As our conversation continued, she asked if I was scared that he would think that I really liked him because I wrote about him. Again, I cannot control what he or anybody else thinks; I gave up trying to figure out what people, especially men think, a long time ago. I quickly thought that if he is that narcissistic to think it is about him, then that is his problem, not mine. The journalist, blogger side of me doesn’t have to censor my thoughts and emotions, I do enough of that as a lawyer. Lastly, she asked if I was insecure about putting my issues out there for HIM to read about? Quite frankly, the answer is no, I couldn’t care less. Who wants to be with a person who thinks they have it all together and can’t appreciate my honesty? If he or any other man thinks that I am weak, or have too many issues because of something that I write about, guess what? They can keep it moving! As my mother used to say, “One monkey don’t stop no show”! The beat will always go on. The Adventures of a Singlista is written to show that that being single can be fun and fabulous! It is what you make it. I try to show that life is a balancing act, I work hard, but I also do many enjoyable things as a Singlista. I want to be honest about the challenges of dating and the issues we face. I want to be a motivating force for those women who may have a fear of traveling alone, or to those who have thought about it but have never embarked on that solo adventure. You have to embrace where you are in life, and not wait for some prince charming to swoop you up and ride off into the sunset. If you can’t afford that solo trip right now, that’s ok, with hard work and dedication, soon you will. In the meantime, take yourself on a date to the movies or sit in that outdoor caf with a cappuccino, a glass of wine and a good book and enjoy the sunset. In short, don’t wait for your girls, don’t wait for that special someone to do something fabulous, embrace your inner BFF and hit the town. If you meet a nice man along the way, go out with him and see what happens. If he doesn’t appreciate the queen that you are, or your honesty about your issues, cut him loose and remember, men are like buses, another one is right around the corner.
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