GET IN THE MOOD
Train your brain. The most important sex organ is in your head. “If you’re stressed or overworked, it’s hard for sex thoughts to enter your mind,” says Rachael Ross, M.D., a sexologist and cohost on The Doctors. “A woman’s desire doesn’t usually get aroused randomly in the day while we’re in the car or at the sink washing dishes, like it does for a guy. Ours often starts with the initiation of sex.” Keep your engine warm and prime your body throughout the day by flirting, reading erotic passages or watching a stimulating scene or two.
Let your alter ego out. Being tied up. Having intercourse alfresco. We’ve all got a naughty fantasy, and it may be time to bring yours to life. “I encourage women to do an act totally out of character,” says Black erotica queen and best-selling author Zane. “Go ahead and be the aggressor—greet your man at the door naked. Every woman needs that experience so you’ll realize the sky is not going to fall.” Need ideas? Get custom kits with tips, products and props at coupleschemistry.com.
Be your best lover. “Not every partner is going to know the magic button to your pleasure,” Ross shares. “Once you know yourself, you’re not only able to help your partner bring you to climax, but you’re also able to give yourself an amazing orgasm. Self-pleasure can keep you out of trouble so you don’t contact your old booty call to get that thrill.”
Indulge in outercourse. Yes, you can get off without going in. “Outercourse is bringing someone to orgasm without penetration. That includes grinding, massaging, kissing and fondling,” says Ross, author of Down Right Feel Right—Outercourse: For Her & For Him (drrachael.com).
REFRESH YOUR ROMANCE
Order foreplay before dessert.
Your vibrating friends aren’t just for the bedroom. Before your next dinner date, slip in a small vibrator. “Let him feel your panties while you’re eating. It’ll drive him crazy,” Zane says. “After dinner, take it out in the restroom. Slip it in his pocket when you return.”
Prep your quickie. “Sexting is the perfect way to build up to a rendezvous by keeping yourselves excited all day,” Ross says. “Then you’re so turned on by dinnertime that you can duck into the bathroom and have some fast fun.”
Visit his hot zones. “Men have many sensitive spots,” says Angel, a popular oral sex expert from Chicago. “The back of a man’s knee is so sensual you can make him jump off the bed. You can also give a man an orgasm just by sucking his toes.” Other places to explore: his spine, ears, lower abs, inner thighs and forehead. Yup, the forehead kiss can be downright sensual.
Enjoy self-pleasure together. Zane reveals a steamy scene from her upcoming novel, Vengeance, and dares you to bring it to life: “The main character is in bed naked. She props up on pillows, opens her legs and calls the guy into her room. She plays with herself. He lies on the bed so he can hear and smell her. She then directs him to stroke himself slowly so they are masturbating in unison, until they both climax. He says, ‘You’re the best lover I’ve ever had and I’ve never touched you.’ Masturbating together is a way to be connected without touch.”
UNLEASH YOUR VIXEN
Embrace the power of the P. “A woman turned on by life is unstoppable,” shares Beatriz Mieses, a New York City life coach and creator of the Shamelessly Sexy workshop. Don’t save your sensuality for date night. Bring it to your big meeting. “Start your day dressing to a song that excites you. Wear lingerie that makes you feel sexiest, or none at all. Take this energy to work. You’ll be irresistible to yourself and the world.”
Be a voyeur. Hit play on passion with adult videos created for and by women at forthegirls.com and goodforher.com, and grab your copy of the award-winning erotic film AfroDite Superstar, starring a kinky-haired brown beauty discovering good loving while quoting bell hooks, at candidaroyalle.com. We’re also impatiently awaiting the film adaptation of Zane’s Addicted, featuring Boris Kodjoe, in theaters in March.
Find your scent. Smell is thought to be a woman’s most important physical sense for sexual attraction. “The first thing men and women say to me is, ‘You smell good,’ ” says Zane. “Smell is sensual, and you always want to be connected to your sensuality, even if you’re not sexually active. When you’re connected to yourself, you attract people.” Discover your scent and keep it stocked.