Ladies, ever had trouble expressing your anger to your partner? It’s often important to remain honest when you’re dating someone, and expressing your emotions in a clear and effective way is key to nurturing a relationship…

According to Your Tango columnist and relationship coach, Ellen Harston, men can sense when women aren’t being honest. But before you’re ready to express your anger you need to “get to know it.”

The first step in “getting to know” your anger is to identify how you’re manifesting it. There are three main ways women typically handle their anger.

1. Women gravitate to some sort of addiction (i.e., overeating) to avoid angry feelings

2. Women transfer their angry energy unfairly onto others (yelling)

3. Women keep everything bottled up — literally causing bodily pain and stress

Now try to identify what triggered your behavior and look for any recurring patterns.

Now, that you’ve identified how you handle your anger and you’ve gotten to the root of it — it’s time to talk — this time without the attitude, passive-aggressive anger and extra emotion. Remember to remain calm.

Harston says that when you’re speaking about your emotions, it’s best to clearly state that they come from you and not blame him for the way you feel. Using “I” statements can often be helpful to show you’re taking responsibility over your anger and not passing the buck on to anyone else.

You’re doing yourself a solid favor by owning up to your anger and expressing it in a healthy way. He’ll see you’re being mature about it and it’ll strengthen your relationship.

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