Dating a man you know upfront is bad news is never a good idea.
I was on a docu-series on Sundance Channel and one of my storylines was that I wanted to be a father. In equal parts, my desire to be a father stems from having an awesome mother and having a not so great father. With that said, I completely understand how much responsibility parenting is and I have opted to wait until I am more prepared. I wish more parents-to-be fully contemplated the great task of parenting as well as the competency of the other parent before deciding to get into bed with someone.
Last week, one of my sister-friends revealed that she had a pregnancy scare that turned out to be a false alarm. The major problem is that her current boyfriend is certainly not father material. He is out of work, has three children already (by three different women) and basically has very little redeeming qualities, in my opinion. Still, my sister-friend acknowledged that she was excited about the prospect of having his baby.
I couldn’t understand how my sister-friend would even consider dating this guy in the first place let alone sleeping with him. Moreover, her boyfriend specifically told her that he didn’t want to have more children and that he wasn’t sure where their relationship would end. I’m a firm believer in Dr. Maya Angelou’s quote, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.” He had already explained how the scenario would progress.
It was clear that it was time for some tough love. So, I encouraged her to move beyond her thinking and really take a moment to properly assess her circumstances.
Truly, if her goal is to start a family, than she need not waste her time with this guy any longer. He was not the marrying type and definitely not a good father figure. It made me sad to see my smart, beautiful sister-friend feel that a guy like this was her only option as a boyfriend or possibly her child’s father.
Everyone has dated someone that might not have measured up to all of their standards for one reason or another. Dating is one thing; it is temporary and can be easily ended. However, the contemplation of whether or not someone is parental material should be evidence of whether they’re even dating material. If he’s not daddy material, please don’t date him.
Wishing you love and ceaseless joy! Follow @NathanHWilliams on Twitter.
Nathan’s book INSPIRATION: Profiles of Black Women Changing Our World is available now.
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