Be sure the "love" he's giving you is fact not fantasy.
I know the guys aren’t going to like this column. (Actually, they probably don’t like most of my columns.) One guy accused me of telling our secrets for personal gain. I disagree with that statement but I do share a secret or two from time to time. One such secret being that some guys can tell what a woman is thirsty for and proceed to quench that thirst disingenuously.
Usually, I talk about hanging out with my sister-friends, but this week I have to talk about a dinner I had with the boys. One of my brother-friends is a self-proclaimed “Mack” and was extolling the virtues of how he gets his “mack on” with women. In a group of my brother-friends, it’s hilarious banter because, to be honest, out of all of them, he should have the least amount of game. I won’t elaborate so as not to disrespect my boy, but I’m sure you get the point.
In any event, he was going on and on about how he can sense when a woman is thirsty for a man and particularly the things she is craving to hear. His entire game is centered on the fact that he crafts his words based on what he knows will make her happy. Not the truth of his thought but the things he’s picked up from her that will get him passed first base. To the fellas, it was funny. In practice, it got me thinking about how many women succumb to men who are feeding them lines based on what they want to hear.
Clearly, what my brother-friend has become an expert at is picking on women’s insecurities and feeding those insecurities with full-time lip service. As I thought about it, I know many guys who do this to women on a regular basis. I don’t think it’s fair, but I don’t think women lack culpability in it. The saying, “It sounds too good to be true,” is a real statement. I’ve often seen my sister-friends believe lines from guys that, in reality, sound like fantasies not facts. More often than not, they turn out not to be lies.
I consistently say that dating in modern times is very hard. The bigger the city, the harder the dating scene becomes. It leaves women at a disadvantage because of the traditional dating stereotypes – men go after women and not vice verse. But, I do know that many women wear their “thirst” on their sleeves and make themselves vulnerable to guys like my brother-friend who are ready to serve up a dish of bull in order to get in their space.
Now, before I get a thousand e-mails about blaming women for guys’ misbehavior; please know that is not my point. I’m merely saying that we all must do a reality check when what the person we’re dating is saying sounds too amazing to be real. We all search for that perfect person that meets all of our needs and wants, but in reality, that person doesn’t really exist. Instead, I think the saying, “Love is finding an imperfect person and loving them perfectly,” rings more true. The next time you start hearing what seems to be a line, take out your BS meter out and determine whether he’s a genuine catch or just quenching your thirst.
Wishing you love and ceaseless joy! Follow @NathanHWilliams on Twitter.
Nathan’s book INSPIRATION: Profiles of Black Women Changing Our World is available now.
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