The single most universal impediment to dating is the fear of rejection. It is the four-letter word of dating. We’ve all experienced it, which is why we all fear it on some level. It is the most awful feeling to be into someone only to discover they’re just not that into you.
Just the other day, one of my most special sister-friends and I were out having cocktails (a typical exercise for us). I’m fortunate because most of my sister-friends are pretty amazing, but she is even more amazing. She’s not just pretty, she’s striking, owns her own business, she’s the life of the party and down to earth. If I’m traveling, I want her to be my companion. To call her the “It Girl,” would be an understatement. Yes, she’s ALL that!
Tooting her horns aside, my sister-friend and I were out talking about work, and of course, our love lives. She had just been on several dates with a guy she’d met through an online dating service. Although she’d met some guys who had the credentials she was looking for, none of them sparked her interest like this guy had. With her excitement, she was cautious, because he hadn’t initiated contact in a couple of days.
“It’s funny, because I went to [match-making site] and it said, he’d checked out my profile yesterday,” she said. But he had not called her. She was starting to feel a bit uneasy because, in her theory, when someone is into you they correspond every day in the beginning. Not a bad theory, so I wasn’t going to argue. And then, her phone rang. It was the guy.
After giving me the look, I said, “Take the call girl! Plus, I’m nosy.” She stepped away for a few minutes and came back with a forlorn look on her face. I immediately asked what happened. “He said, ‘It wasn’t working for him’,” she lamented. As she slumped into her seat, I raised my hand for the waiter; it was clearly time for some Patron shots.
“Why is it that the ones that are into it, aren’t ‘it’? And, the ones you’re into never seem to work out,” my sister-friend pitifully questioned. I replied, “Because we can’t be everyone’s type, no matter how fabulous we are.” I explained that just as those guys that were into her (and there were a countless number) didn’t spark her fancy in the right way, we couldn’t be right for everyone we like.
“Don’t let this rejection sting you too long girl. EVERYONE gets rejected. It’s not a measure of you as a woman. Probably just a matter of preference.” Now, that was my practical answer. Then, I told her what was on my heart and probably the truth.
“Most guys don’t know what they want. You’re probably too much for him and it’s a good thing you found out now. Any guy that doesn’t see the dime that you are and all of the love you have in you, then he’s not worth your time nor is he right for you. Thank him! He did you a favor!”
Ironically, my sister-friend had just been on a journey of self-discovery and spiritual awakening. She was in a great place in her life and very happy. Encouraging her, I said, “The moment you had with him just continues to affirm the love you’re open to, the caliber of man you want, and the gifts you know you bring to the table. You are getting closer to ‘him’ and you can’t let this keep you down!”
My sister-friend sat there for a minute and then her winning spirit kicked in. “You’re right! I did get excited because he was ‘closer’ to what I’ve been looking for, but if I’m honest, he wasn’t completely it… he was too damn short,” she joked. Through laughter, I could tell her work on her own spirit and self-esteem had paid off in gold. She was genuinely able to bounce back in about fifteen minutes. And, when she got back home, she jumped back on the dating site to set up another date.
The fear of rejection can be a single-person’s kryptonite. Too often, we take rejection at more than face value — as an indictment or critique of who we are. In fact, it’s not really a negative thing. Someone is doing you a favor by not wasting your time when they have no interest in establishing something meaningful with you.
If you find yourself being rejected, don’t make it more than what it is by taking it personally.
I’m sure he did you a favor!