Gwen Carr, the mother of Eric Garner, says she struggles to forgive herself and the officer who killed her son.
In an interview with MadameNoire, Carr reveals that it might be possible for her to forgive officer Daniel Pantaleo if some form of justice were served.
"You know, when we say forgive, sometimes we have to forgive for our sake so that we can go on with our life," she said. "Although, we’re only human. Sometimes that human element is there no matter what we do or how we try to execute, but I just feel like if there is some type of justice, some type of closure, then I can start to forgive."
A Staten Island jury failed to indict Pantaleo following Garner's death. It was also revealed in 2016 that Pantaleo had received significant pay bumps. The officer was also sued for misconduct in previous cases prior to Garner's death.
Carr also revealed that no matter what, she always visits her son's grave, telling the publication she once made the trip during a massive snowstorm.
However, Garner's mother adds that while she might be able to forgive Pantaleo, she still needs to find a way to forgive herself. "Sometimes I feel guilty. I’ve talked to other mothers in the same situation that I am, and when we speak of forgiveness, sometimes we have to forgive ourselves."
"Sometimes we feel guilty because our sons are gone," she continued. "We think, if we were just there, maybe there was something we could have done about it. Although, that may not be true, but as a parent, as a mother, you feel that way. So, I guess when the time comes I will have a forgiving heart."