Not paying says more than you think it does. Read why writer Jai Stone says paying the check can get you further.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard a woman say “he has to pay to play,” I would own a professional football team by now. That mindset of entitlement totally baffles me. Shucks, it sounds more like a professional arrangement (wink, wink!) than a woman looking for love.
While I’m still al little old school about certain things, deciding who pays for the date is just not one of them. Frankly, I’m shocked at how many women still hold on to outdated dating traditions while demanding new school relationship status.
Hold on. I can already see you giving me a little side eye right about now, so let me explain. I’m not saying a woman should start paying right out of the gate (unless, of course, you ask him out), but once a man has made his level of interest clear, and has been consistent with his intentions, then it’s time for you to step up. Here are seven reasons why:
1. Because it’s considerate: At least offering to pay shows a guy that you are not “on the take.” If you are thoughtful about his financial situation now, then you will be even more considerate as the relationship progresses. Many men won’t accept the offer, especially not in the beginning, but it’s an honorable gesture. Men like to feel valuable, desired, important, respected and loved.
2. Because it is the opposite of gold diggin’ behavior: Women always complain about being labeled as “gold diggers,” then turn around and take a page from the ol’ gold diggers’ wine me and dine me manual. If you show a man you are in it for him not the perks, then he shouldn’t doubt your intentions.
3. Because you’re not simply entitled: A man doesn’t owe you anything simply because you are female. While I do believe in allowing men to earn your affections, that should not be limited to paying the tab.
4. When you don’t have a sincere interest: If you know this guy falls in the “something to do” category, don’t make him pay for that lesson. Stop giving him false hope that he can earn your affections when you know you already have designs on another potential boo.
5. When it costs too much: When you choose a date location that you know is well above his pay grade, simply because you want the experience, then you should foot the bill. Don’t make him feel like a failure because he can’t finance your escapade.
6. It sets the tone: Nothing says “partnership” more than a woman willing to pay her dues. And, I don’t know about you, but I have no intention of being anything less than an equal partner in my relationship.
7. Cause you’re a grown ass woman: These days many women earn more than their male counterparts, yet still want to be less financially accountable. Yep, I believe a man should be a provider to the best of his ability. But that does not excuse you from being a contributor to your own well being.
Now let me be very clear about one thing: Under no circumstances am I instructing or condoning paying a man’s bills, ever! This post is not meant to be an invitation to put gas in his car, loan him money for his cell phone bill or help him with child support. All I’m saying is, giving a little will get you a lot. Think about it.
Jai Stone – The Emotional Nudist
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