The Dos and Don’ts of Breaking Up
There is a right and wrong way
No one said ending a relationship was easy. But unless you fell in love with your high school sweetheart and are living happily ever after, every woman does it at some point in her life. And even though it sucks to see your man upset, it’s just not right to take the easy route. That means, no, you can’t deliver a well thought out posting on his Facebook “wall.” To avoid being passive aggressive, here are some dos and don’ts of calling it quits…
Do break up in person
Address your partner face-to-face so he can have a clear understanding of why you want out of the relationship. You guys probably spent plenty of face-time in the getting-to-know-eachother phase. It’s only right that you give him the same respect in the I-don’t-want-to-know-you-anymore phase too. If for some reason you can’t have a face-to-face conversation (and with Skype, you’re running out of reasons), then break up with him over the phone.
Don’t break up via text-message or e-mail
That’s just sending bad relationship karma out into the universe. It’s hard to resolve issues via text message and the brother may have a few questions once he checks his BBM. Plus you run the risk of confusing him as feeling are often very hard to relate electronically.
Do Break-up in private
You’re already putting your partner in a vulnerable position by telling him it’s over. Breaking up in a private place can allow him to feel those vulnerabilities without shutting off due to embarrassment. Stay away from public places. This includes social media and blog spaces.
Don’t change your Facebook status until it’s been done
The number of people we know who found out their relationships were over via Facebook status changes is growing. This is an even more childish and passive-aggressive approach than sending a text message. And it’s a sure-fire way for your boyfriend to find out it’s over from somebody else than you. Eew. How would you like it if one of your friends posted the following on your wall: “Hey girl. I saw that Jermaine changed his relationship status to single. What happened? Are you OK?”
Do be honest and direct
Now is the time to get your feelings of frustration off your chest if you need to. Once you’re broken up, it’s not cool to contact your ex and keep bringing up the annoying things he used to do or the awful way he used to treat you. So get it all out, but don’t drag it out. Tell him how you feel, why you feel that way and make it clear that you want out.
Don’t lie to him
Lying includes avoiding the truth, ladies. Don’t beat around the bush of why you want to call it quits. He deserves to know exactly why you’re unhappy. Plus, you may help him change a behavioral pattern down the line. Furthermore, if you’ve done something wrong it’s time to let him know so he doesn’t walk around blaming himself for the breakup months after it’s over.
Do break-up before you stray
Avoid jumping from one relationship to the next and avoid the guilt and drama that comes along with cheating by recognizing when it’s time to let go and then actually letting go. It’s also a good idea to give yourself some space before you move on to the next one.
Don’t drag it out
If you have fallen in love with someone else while involved in a relationship, the sooner you let your partner go the better. Like we said before, don’t lie. Bite the bullet and tell him that you’re leaving him for another. You’ll feel a lot less guilty if you’re honest with him. Chances are he already sensed some form of separation from you anyway.
Do hear him out
Your ex may have some things to say after you tell him it’s over. It’s not too much to listen to his argument before walking out of the door. Give him the floor and let him explain his feelings.
Don’t start a fight
If your man starts to raise his voice, walk away and let him know that you’re willing to continue the conversation when he stops yelling. If you feel firm in your decision to leave, you shouldn’t feel any need to start an argument.
You may like
Get The Essence Newsletter and Special Offers delivered to your inbox!