Ask Finesse - May

Q: I find some men seem intimidated by my level of education. (I’m in graduate school.) I never rub my education in their faces, nor do I look down on anyone who hasn’t gone as far academically as I have. So why is this such a problem for some guys? – Tisha, 26

A: Black men are intimidated by a lot of things: Georgia State Troopers who pull them over right outside of Atlanta, paternity test results on Maury, tofu. But we ain’t afraid of no books. My boys and I pondered what type of men you could be talking about…and we were all stumped. The majority of men will tell you they’re looking for an edjahmacated sista. Guys who have climbed higher up the educational ladder than you will welcome your intelligent conversation, and guys who dropped out of school will want you to help them read their mail.

Is it possible you’re too busy to give men the attention they want because of your commitment to your studies? Perhaps they’re hating on your time management skills-not your academic standing. Or maybe you’re acting like it’s a big deal to be in graduate school and your attitude is turning men off. I know you said you aren’t doing that, but I bet when men ask you what movie you’d like to see, you push for five hours of Apocalypto with subtitles when you could’ve just as easily opted for Stomp the Yard.

If I’m wrong on both counts, then the answer’s simple: Solely entertain men who gel with you intellectually, and let the hooked-on-phonics brothers hate on someone else.

Got a question for Finesse? Send it to us at askfinesse@essence.com. And check out his comedy DVD Snap Famous, available online and in stores.