Ask Finesse: Marriage Deadline

Q: A friend told me that if a guy hasn’t even brought up marriage with you after two years, the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Is that true? Do I need to step?

A: Frankly, I’m surprised that you haven’t playfully brought up the topic with your man yourself. I always thought women found clever ways to mention marriage, children and credit scores way before the two-year mark.

You do need to know your man’s, not your friend’s, timetable for wedding bells. Everyone’s different. Some couples who have been together for years believe marriage messes things up, while others can’t wait to jump the broom. It all depends on personal preference-and circumstances. A friend of mine got married three months after I introduced him to his girl…but she still got deported.

MY ADVICE: Be smooth about it when you do eventually bring it up. Don’t scare him or put him on the defensive. And do not bring it up when he’s watching basketball, napping or playing Madden NFL 07 on his PlayStation-no sense having waited all this time to wind up ringless on a technicality. If your guy tells you he’s not the marrying type, then that’s probably why he never brought it up before, and it is time for you to bounce. Don’t waste your breath trying to change his mind. However, if he does look forward to the idea of being married one day, ask him where you fit into those plans. Why wait around another two years only to find yourself attending his wedding-but not be the one in the white dress?

Got a relationship question for comedian Finesse Mitchell? Send it to us at askfinesse@essence.com. And you can visit him online at finessemitchell.com.