Q: “I think I’ve slowly fallen out of love with my husband of nine years and slowly fallen in love with my husband’s brother. He’s just a better man overall, and our connection is deeper. I haven’t cheated, and I don’t want to hurt my husband, but I’m really just so unhappy in our marriage. What can I do? It’s all so messy.” — Anonymous
A: Messy is an understatement! You are taking the idea of being “our brother’s keeper” to a whole new level. If you are truly unhappy in your marriage, do you really think being with his brother is going to make it better? I don’t think so. Happiness is something that you must find within. If you are unhappy with your husband, it is highly unlikely that you will be happy with his brother, or anyone else, until you truly understand yourself. If you pursue a relationship with your brother-in-law, not only are you risking your integrity, but also run the risk of destroying two families — yours and his.
I would like to know if your husband’s brother has made any advances or sent you any signals to suggest he would be “game” for being with you. If so, it says a whole lot about their family dynamics. In most families, the whole idea of sleeping with a spouse’s brother is totally taboo. I would recommend that you explore the source of your unhappiness. If you truly believe that your marriage is the source, seek counseling. Or, maybe it’s time to consider a separation or possibly even a divorce.
You must be honest with yourself in understanding what it is going on. I also wonder if you’re more in “lust” with your brother-in-law rather than possibly in love with him. Sometimes when we misplace feelings on others, there is underlying anger or other issues. Regardless of what the issues may be, you owe it to yourself to have a clear understanding of them. Seek professional therapy before you make a move to do anything. — Dr. Sherry