You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone In Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values and now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Q: “My boyfriend and I have been together for five months now, and we live in different parts of Pennsylvania. It’s hard to be away from him so much. When would be the best time for us to talk about moving in together?” – Ashley
A: Ashley, whose bright idea is it to live together or have a conversation about living together after only five months? I hate to be the one to say this, but I think you are still in the initial honeymoon phase of your relationship. I hope you are not in this phase alone.
Many women see themselves living with a man they love and walking down the aisle to say “I do” before they have had a chance to really know if the relationship is solid. When you are in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, you are head-over-heels in love. Neither one of you can do any wrong at this point. In the honeymoon period, you cannot stand to be without the other person. While that is great and wonderful, that feeling wears off, or at least dies down, as time passes. After a while, you will both discover that it is okay to be apart at times. In fact, you are likely to want your space at times, too. I would suggest that you hold off on having the conversation regarding moving in together until the honeymoon phase has worn down and you can see beyond all the initial love.
Once you move in together, you are making a commitment to combine your lifestyles, if not your resources. This is a major step after being together for only five months. I would suggest that you spend as much time as you can to get to know the other person before you seriously talk about moving in together. I would also suggest that you allow him to bring up the issue of moving in as oppose to you bringing up the conversation. You definitely want him to be as committed and eager as you are to live together. — Dr. Sherry
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