You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone In Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values, and now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Q: “I’m a 28-year-old virgin who’s fed up with waiting to have sex after marriage. I can barely find a decent man to date — never mind marry. I’m considering sleeping with a man whom I care about but don’t plan to marry. I’d like to move on with my life already. Is this a bad idea?” — Kim
A: Kim, you should be commended for maintaining your virginity for 28 years. I am sure it is quite tough with all the pressures from society. You have to ask yourself, is it because of your values and/or religious beliefs that you have continued to be a virgin? What is going on with you now that you are ready to “give it up?” It sounds as if having sex is on your “bucket list” and you are trying to check it off. Are you considering sleeping with a man just to say you have had sex? Or, are you considering sleeping with him because you are “horny as hell?” If it is the latter, they have toys for this. Toys are a lot safer and do not come with emotional baggage.
While sex can be fulfilling, it may not be all that it is cracked up to be. This is especially true if your hopes and dreams were to wait for marriage before having sex. It sounds as if you are compromising in fear of not finding a husband. A husband is out there, but like anything else, finding him is going to take time. You are an adult, and if you choose to have sex before marriage, make sure it is safe sex. Sometimes becoming sexually active in today’s society is like playing Russian Roulette with your health. I am sure you know this, but the rate of sexually transmitted disease is extremely high among young people. So, to answer your question: “Is it a bad idea” to have sex? It is not necessarily a good idea or a bad idea; it just has to be your idea. Having sex has to be your choice on your timetable! — Dr. Sherry
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