You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone In Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show Braxton Family Values and now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Q: “I keep falling in love with the same kind of men and it’s so frustrating. The kind of guy I like never wants to settle down, but I’m dying to get married and start a family. Is there anything I can do to change my luck with men? I feel like I’m drawn to the wrong ones.” – Agnes
A: The question is, why do you get involved with men that are not emotionally available or do not want to settle down? It is really not about the man; it’s about you. You must decide why you are attracted to unavailable men, especially if you want to be married.
Are you sure that you are falling in love or are you falling in lust? It sounds as if you fall “in love” frequently and quite easily. That may be part of the problem also. If you keep doing the same old things, are you really surprised that you get keep getting the same results? Falling in love with the same type of guy is nothing more than doing the same old thing time and time again. You must take a hard look at yourself in the mirror. You have to ask yourself: What type of man do I really want and what is keeping me from attracting what I want? You must be willing to do something different if you want something different. That means you must change your approach to meeting and dating men.
If you rush into the relationship with high hopes and plans, and make it too easy for him, you are sending the wrong message. One that says you’re eager, and maybe somewhat desperate to have a husband. It also suggests that you will do whatever is needed to make it to the altar.
Many women think that they will change a man and make him the husband they want after they get married. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but whatever you see in him before the wedding is pretty much what you get after you’re married. The idea of changing him later is no more than a pipe dream that can often lead to frustration, stress, and in some cases even divorce. You must take the time to get to know the person before you become emotionally involved. This will save you a lot of emotional pain, time and sacrifice. Remember Agnes, you cannot make a racehorse out of a jackass! Stop chasing the wrong type of man and find the one who’s really right for you. — Dr. Sherry
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