• Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United

WHERE BLACK WOMEN COME FIRST

Every day we're serving Black women deeply. Come get a plate of goodness! Sign up for daily content and exclusive offers you'll love!

Your email is required.
Your email is in invalid format.
Confirm email is required.
Email did not match.
By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and that you have read our Privacy Policy
Skip to content
SUBSCRIBE
  • MAGAZINE
  • NEWSLETTER
  • Celebrity
    • Daniel Kaluuya Digital Cover
    • Digital Cover Method Man
    • Digital Cover Zazie
    • Celebrity News
    • ‘Yes, Girl!’ Podcast
    • Entertainment
      • Paint The Polls Black
    • Black Celeb Couples
    • Celebrity Moms
    • Red Carpet
    • If Not For My Girls
  • Fashion
    • ESSENCE Fashion House 2022
    • Fashion News
    • Street Style
    • Accessories
    • Fashion Week
  • Beauty
    • Black Beauty Awards 2022
    • ESSENCE Hair Awards 2022
    • AVEENO Skin Health Startup Accelerator
    • Beauty News
    • Skin
    • Makeup
    • Nails
    • Girls United: Beautiful Possibilities
  • Hair
    • Hair News
    • Natural
    • Relaxed
    • Transitioning
    • Weave
    • 4C
  • Love
    • Love & Sex News
    • The Solve Podcast
    • Weddings
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
  • Lifestyle
    • Black History Month
    • ESSENCE Gift Guide 2022
    • ESSENCE + smartwater Live Well Challenge
    • Build Your Legacy 2022
    • Dream & Plan with Confidence Prudential
    • AMEX Platinum Travel
    • Homecoming Season 2022
    • Lifestyle News
    • Health & Wellness
    • ESSENCE Eats
    • Money & Career
    • Entrepreneurship
    • Travel
    • Food & Drink
    • Black Travel Guide
  • News
    • Paint The Polls Black
    • Sponsors Recognition Page 2022
    • Latest News
    • Raise Your Voice
    • Culture
    • Politics
  • Video
  • Festival
    • 2023 ESSENCE Festival Of Culture
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Fest Videos
  • Events
    • 2023 ESSENCE Film Festival
    • 2022 Girls United Summit
    • 2022 ESSENCE Fashion House
    • 2022 Black Women In Hollywood
    • 2022 HOLLYWOOD HOUSE
    • 2022 Homecoming Season
    • Wellness House
    • She Got Now
    • Dear Black Men
    • I Am Speaking
    • Power Tools
  • Studios
  • Girls United
Home · News

8 Signs He's Not That Into You

Eight signs the guy you're dating isn't that into you.
8 Signs He’s Not That Into You
By Paul Carrick Brunson · Updated October 28, 2020

8 Signs He’s Not That Into You

If He Shows Himself, Believe Him

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” — This is my favorite quote by Maya Angelou. It so succinctly conveys an important life lesson, that when followed will prevent a lot of disappointment (in more areas than just your love life). Recently one of my clients began dating someone and while each date was “good” there were signs, that now in hindsight (she has broken up with him) were distinct warnings that the relationship was doomed.

Lessons Learned

He was an attractive, charismatic guy who said all the right things, but his actions were subtlety contradictory. It started out very small — he said, “I’ll call you back in an hour” and that turned into the next day. She was able to rationalize this because he works long hours and has a lot on his mind. But with nearly each interaction, the inconsistency between words and action grew louder — he “loves” kids, but EVERY one he saw when they were together was a “brat” or “annoying”. Luckily, she was cognizant of each sign and was able to exit the relationship before things went too far. Hearing her story reminded me of how important it is to be aware of “signs” in a relationship. No different than if you were driving down an unfamiliar street, you need to be aware of every posted sign, otherwise you may never reach your intended destination. Here are some telltale signs that the person you’re dating is conveying suspect behavior.

If He Makes An Abrupt Change Of Plans

Changing plans once, I get. Twice is bad but I could understand. Anything else is just downright disrespectful. His actions are saying that you are not a priority, you’re an option and not the best choice at the moment. Say bye-bye!

If He’s M.I.A. (Missing In Action)

Sure, they could be on a quick mission to Afghanistan to execute the world’s most feared terrorist, but chances are they’re not. Be leery of those who disappear for a few days, stop all communication, and then call suddenly. No thanks!

If He’s Aggressive

Is he pushing for sex on the second date? Asking you why he hasn’t met your parents, and it’s only date # 3?? Any behavior that is forceful, especially early on, will only progress in the future. Just say no!

If He’s Uncertain

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?” If that becomes their most frequent line when preparing for a date, prepare for a life of boredom. This guy lacks spontaneity and creativity. He’s telling you that he only wants to follow your lead or simply has no motivation. Pass!

If He Makes Too Many House Calls

“Can I come over to your place?” is his version of date night. Inviting someone to your house early in the relationship (or going to his) is an overall bad move. Let it be known that your home is not conducive to dating…there’s a world of activities outside of it. Anytime someone continuously makes this request, it’s clear they’re not interested in a serious relationship. Peace homie!

He Makes Frequent Mentions Of Past Relationships

Living in the past is extremely dangerous. If he can’t stop talking about how great the old flame was or how he enjoyed the things they did, chances are he still wishes he was in that moment. Do yourself (and him) a favor by letting him go to pursue her or to really prepare himself to be in a new relationship. Flag on the play!

He Makes Constant Comparisons

I’ll never forget what my wife told me the first time (and last time) I compared her to my momma. I said: I used to get a home-cooked meal every night. Her reply: perhaps you should move back in with her then! If you’re always being compared to someone else in their life, they haven’t yet fully appreciated your uniqueness. Later!

If He’s Rude to Others

When you met, he was so polite. He even talked about how important it is to treat others the way you would want to be treated. But, it’s your third date and the waiter forgot the extra lemon wedges… before the waiter is out of earshot, he shouts “Stupid Motha F…” Hmmm…Is that the way he would want to be treated? Next!

Decide Carefully

Now, I’m not saying that any one these behaviors exhibited alone is the key to issue your man his “pink slip”, but if one or more of these signs persist in your relationship, don’t be afraid to show him who you are by standing up for what’s important to you and communicating those things that you will not tolerate. Doing otherwise will have him to believe that you will accept whatever is dished. Open dialogue is the key to sustaining a healthy relationship.

Add and Share!

Please share this list with friends and be sure to add in the comments section any other flags that weren’t mentioned to help someone who may be dealing with that situation. If you have further questions for me. I can be contacted on twitter at @PaulCBrunson on facebook.com/PaulBrunson or online at www.onedegreefrom.me

COMPANY INFORMATION
  • Our Company
  • Customer Service
  • Essence Ventures
  • Change Your Address
  • Contact Us
  • Job Opportunities
  • Internships
  • Media Kit
  • tag
SUBSCRIBE
  • Newsletters
  • Give a Gift of ESSENCE
  • Magazine Tablet Edition
FOLLOW US
MORE ON ESSENCE
  • Home
  • Love
  • Celebrity
  • Beauty
  • Hair
  • Fashion
  • ESSENCE festival

ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc.

Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.

©2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms

Get The ESSENCE Newsletter and
Special Offers delivered to your inbox

By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Get The ESSENCE Magazine
by subscribing below
subscribe now