When sexy time goes horribly wrong, it can either bring you closer as a couple, leave you mortified and embarrassed or have you calling 911. In fact, there are so many tales of sex gone wrong that there’s a whole show about it called, “Sex Sent Me to the E.R.”
Every week, I answer your “Dear Abiola” questions about keeping it hot and steamy on my ESSENCE.com Intimacy Intervention column. I want to make sure that your intimate playtime is passionate and safe so I thought it was time to discuss sexual accidents.
Here are seven escapades gone wrong — learn from them and avoid getting hurt in the bedroom. (And if you’re in some kind of erotic emergency right now, call 911!)
Hot Candle Wax Warning
You may love the sensation of hot candle wax on your skin, but you probably won’t enjoy third degree burns from candle play gone wrong. “Sheila” had a mishap when trying to avoid lighting her lingerie and weave on fire while pouring hot wax and ultimately burning her own neck!
Avoid this by using candles designated for adult play. These are candles designed with your delicate skin in mind.
Try Flamme D’Amour’s Naked On The Beach” Massage Candle
Kheper Games has even created a whole sexy candle kit called Massage Seductions.
And by all means, keep your lingerie and synthetic hair away from open flames.
Shower Pole Fails
The shower rod heard around the world… Love and Hip Hop’s Mimi Faust is so well-known for her shower rod sex tape that US Magazine invited her to explain the mechanics of it to their readers. (link: http://www.usmagazine.com/entertainment/news/love-and-hip-hops-mimi-faust-explains-sex-tape-shower-rod-scene-2015296)
Big box stores like Home Depot were reportedly selling out of the super sturdy shower rods and labeling them with Mimi’s name!
But as Mimi explains, you don’t want to rely on the shower rod alone to support your weight. Your partner is going to have to hold you up as well.
A bathroom slip and fall could be a disaster. Play safely.
50 Shades of What?!
After “50 Shades of Grey” became a media sensation, everyone wanted to explore different versions of BDSM. For some, this meant that bedroom spankings with whips, paddles, floggers and riding crops came out of the closet. Out of the closet is great but into the hospital is not as fun.
If the spanker doesn’t know what he/she is doing, the spankee can end up seriously wounded. If you’re spanked in the wrong place, you can hurt your kidneys. Get educated on how to do an erotic spanking an educational DVD like: Pleasure Mechanics Guide To Erotic Spanking : Everything You Need To Know To Master The Art of Erotic Spanking.
You may also want to get the books 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM by Tristan Taormino and Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century by Barbara Carrellas
Beware of Metal Tooth Crowns (For Real)
Our mouths can contain all kinds of add-ons from braces, crowns, and veneers to dental implants and even dentures. Our mouths also do all kinds of sexy things with our partners. Put the two together and you can have a super-freaky mishap.
When I put out a call for sexy escapades gone wrong, a reader named “Jessica” confessed that she accidentally ripped her ex-boyfriend’s penis skin while performing oral sex. Yikes! The culprit? Her dental crown made of metal. Materials used for dental crowns include: base metal, gold, porcelain and ceramic.
Sure, it’s awkward to ask your orthodontist about the safety of oral sex with your dental prosthetics, but you can ask about “vigorous kissing and making out.” They’ll get the picture and advise you on how best to proceed. Some devices like adult invisible braces can be temporarily removed.
Of course, you want to be wary of inserting anything into your body. In a feature called “Unsafe Sex,” the UK’s Mirror reports that a man named Nigel Willis from Forest Hill, London inserted a vibrating butt plug. Apparently, he knew that a man’s “g-spot” is his prostate. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get the butt plug out and was too embarrassed to explain his dilemma to his mom, whom he lived with. He lay there for days in pain with it buzzing away. He finally made it to the hospital, but it was too late. And he died from rectal perforation.
While your vagina ends at the cervix, your rectum is a much deeper path. Only play with plugs with a wide or flared base to prevent related injuries.
Homemade Dildos Anyone?
There are all kinds of stories on the street of women getting homemade sex toys vaginally stuck. I have heard of everything from bananas to hot dogs. While food can be fun, this is not the way to go. You can order relatively inexpensive but safe adult toys throughout the web.
Leave the franks for the table and try one of these instead:
–Vibrator, Oomph! Powerful Waterproof Single-speed Massager
–Shibari Mini Halo Wireless Power Wand
–Master Series Thunder Stick: Supercharged
– Magic Wand with Speed Controller
Better sacred and sexy than tired and boring and most importantly, better safe than sorry.
The bottom line is that you want to keep your sexy time safe. Don’t hesitate to go to the doctor if need be.
Abiola Abrams is the author of the award-winning Sacred Bombshell Handbook of Self-Love, Manifest Your Miracles meditation album and African Goddess Affirmation Cards. The popular lifestyle guru is also the founder of the Sacred Bombshell Self-Care Kits, blog, web TV show, and online academy at SacredBombshell.com. Follow her on Twitter to continue the discussion about this week’s hot topic, and then email her your burning questions now. Anything you send will be posted anonymously, promise.