The most important thing on the minds of new lovers is whether or not they’re beginning a lasting relationship. Both sides are feeling each other out with the hopes of ensuring that they’ve chosen wisely. So what are some of the top-line conversations new couples should be having? Relationship experts and professional matchmakers Kelli Fisher and Tana Gilmore of The Matchmaking DUO breakdown the topics you should touch on in the early stages of your relationship to determine if he/she has real potential to be The One.
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What kind of relationship does he have with his mom/dad? Are the family members supportive of one another or do they regularly tear each other down? Is he an only child? These types of things are important to know because they helped to shape his upbringing and view of how relationships and families should be run and you need to have a better idea as to whether or not you're on the same page.
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How do you both handle disagreements? Are you more of an arguer until there is some resolution? Does he need a few minutes to decompress before a discussion? Or, are either of you more of a push it under the rug type of person to avoid confrontation? These are things you both need to know prior to moving ahead to determine if you can weather the tough times.
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We talk to hundreds of people every week. And what we've learned is a person can look great on paper with a super comfortable salary but depending on their bills they can be more broke than someone who works an entry or mid-level job living a lifestyle within their means. Don't settle for what you see. Have conversations around the kinds of purchases and lifestyle that's important to them and even give scenarios on" what-ifs" to get an idea on their financial position and spending habits.
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Are you spiritual and he's an atheist? Or are you both spiritual but one has it high on the list of priorities and the other doesn't see the value in the overall scheme of life. Being on the same page spiritually or even having an understanding of each others beliefs is crucial to determining how you can move forward or even how you would raise the children should they come.
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This is such a touchy subject and should be discussed during a specific time in the relationship. What we’ve uncovered is sometimes couples are incompatible sexually and it can become problematic in the future. We recommend sharing your desires and needs even if you’re currently not having sex. We realize that it may be uncomfortable but try the fishbowl game. You both put sexual topics in a bowl and you each pull and answer either: absolutely not, maybe or definitely. This should help start the sexual compatibility conversation.
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Is he a staunch Republican and you and your family feel strongly about being a Democrat or an Independent? Or maybe one of you doesn't even take part in politics thinking that their vote is so small it doesn't count. Have an open mind and hear what the other has to say and focus more on their foundational views than the name of the party they support.
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What you see is not always what you get. Just because he's a Manager at a company now doesn't mean he doesn’t have dreams to one day become a Chef or a teacher. Don't just assume that what you see today is what it will always be. Dig deeper to share long-term goals and dreams and determine if you would be ok with that should plans change, as life often does.
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The Matchmaking Duo
We hope these tips will help you form conversations early in your new relationship. It’s important that you have clear answers before you move forward and invest more time than needed. Yes, we realize these are sensitive subjects but they are crucial, so take a deep breath, create a safe zone for sharing and keep an open mind.
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