Have you ever met someone you really vibe with? I’m talking date after amazing date, countless phone calls and lingering fantasies about this possibly being “the one?” You share with your friends how excited you are about all of the things you have in common, only to be blindsided by days or weeks of radio silence?
Well dear sisters, that means you’ve been “ghosted!” This seems to be an ongoing trend in dating these days, but rest assured you’re not the first or last to experience this.
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People ask us all the time, “Why is it that people can’t act like ‘grown folks’ and just say how they feel? How can I pick up the pieces to get through the rejection?”
Here are five quick ways to handle being ghosted if it happens to you.
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Create a safe space: It’s really important, from day one of a relationship, to cultivate a safe space where your significant other can be comfortable sharing their thoughts. What we find is when people “ghost,” it’s because they don’t feel comfortable sharing the fact that they’re no longer interested because either they fear hurting your feelings or they’re not sure how you may handle the news. Therefore, they decide that it’s easier to disappear altogether and fade to black.
Make sure you’re giving feedback: We can’t tell you enough how many times women confide in us how excited they are about a blossoming new relationship, but are afraid to share it for fear of looking “thirsty.” If you smile when you see his or her call and can’t wait to spend time with the person you’re dating again, let them know! Holding it in makes it appear as if you’re just not that into them, and it’s very possible that they will take your actions to heart. Just think, if my guy (or gal!) asked how I felt right now, have I given them enough feedback to know the truth?
Do temperature checks: When you initially meet someone be as transparent as possible! Share how communication is key for you. Sprinkle in questions periodically about their feelings, wants and needs just to make sure you’re both managing each other’s expectations.
Get the closure you need: Let’s face it, ghosting hurts! It hurts your feelings, bruises your ego, and can leave you wondering if something is wrong with you. But let’s be clear — whether you get an explanation or not — you are deserving of one! Call (instead of text) and leave a voicemail letting your partner know you’re disappointed. Whether they respond or not, you can rest assured that they’re clear of how their actions made you feel. Your feelings are important.
Regroup and keep it moving: What we don’t want is for this one experience to harden your heart for the next amazing person who comes along. So we would encourage you to not ignore what just happened. Take a few moments to do a self-check and recount the events leading up to the disappearing act. If there’s something you would change next time on your end, make a mental adjustment. Take a predetermined amount of time to feel the pain, cry, confide in a trusted friend. Then, when the time is up, move on. Do what it takes to remind yourself just how amazing you are and surround yourself with positive people or things that bring you joy. Be open, optimistic and keep showing up with confidence and your amazing smile. This allows you to wipe the slate clean for someone that deserves all that you are.
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