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We’ve all been there. Probably too many times to count.
We break up with him, take him back, and then break up with him again. For some of us, this might even happen over and over for years.
The cycle is never-ending. But why do we keep going back to that one guy? Even when we know he’s wrong for us.
He’s the one man we cannot let go. No matter how many times he makes a mistake, he apologizes and says he’ll never do it again. He asks for you to take him back, and, you let him back in. You say you’re not going to. You say that this might not be good for you. You say that maybe it’s keeping you from fully living your life. And in the back of your mind, you know all theses rationalizations are true. But at the end of the day, you love him, and it all doesn’t matter.
Thankfully, you’re not alone sis. An estimated 44 percent of people ages 17 to 24 have reconciled and started over with an ex, according to a recent study by Bowling Green State University and the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee.
We all know that we do it, but the question is: Why? Racquel Jones, Clinical Social Worker and Therapist of Transforming Lives Counseling Services, says that there are several reasons women keep going back to the wrong guy or keep choosing the wrong guy. “The first one is that you fear being alone,” she says. “Sometimes women would rather be with the wrong person than being by themselves. Instead you need to learn to love your own company and realize that being alone is okay.”
“Number two: You think you can change him. Let go of the idea that you can save or change him. You can’t love away his problems. Remember that change comes from within.”
“You don’t think you deserve better,” she continues.” This is the third factor. “Many times the type of man you date is directly related to the value you place on yourself. If you think badly of yourself, you tend to chose the wrong partner. You need to change your thinking and realize that you deserve better.”
“And lastly, you haven’t figured out what you truly want in your life outside of relationships. It‘s important to work on your own issues to break your old patterns. If you don’t work on it, you’ll continually do the same things over and over again. You’re not going back because you love him. You’re going back because you’re bored. Or lonely. Or because you can’t stand the thought of spending another night laying in your bed, knowing that no one is thinking about you.”
The next time he comes back, and you’re struggling with the decision – the solution is simple, sis. It’s time to let him go.
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