A few weeks back, ESSENCE.COM writer Nathan Hale Williams posed an interesting question in his Girl’s Best Friend column: Would you pass on a good man over bad sex? The piece sparked an immediate debate among readers. We posed the question to you on Facebook and Twitter and your heated responses came rolling in. “Thanks for the reality check,” wrote one reader. “I never thought about it that way,” said another. The issues divided our readers so much that we’ve decided to share the best responses on both sides and let you make the final call. Here’s the best of the advice readers posted and the true stories they shared both for an against the idea. Where do you stand?
“Not many good men left, that’s a flaw I can deal with.” – Maisha
“No! I have dated great men, but sexually we were incompatible. The reason for the breakups were other issues. If you are looking just for sex, it maybe an issue. But if you are looking for someone who is loving, kind, honest, caring, a representation of God, it would be in your best interest to keep him and work towards making the sex great. My greatest sexual experiences have been with those who I truly loved whether the sex was good or not. I loved them and had their heart. Any intimacy from them were a blessing because of love and not sex.” – Kimberly
“I think I am more into the intimacy than the actual act of sex…if I continue to be patient, and wait on God, I won’t have that problem.” – Lisa
“Yes, because then I’ll cheat with someone who knows what they [are] doing in the bedroom. But, we can always be friends.” – Takiyah
“Would you want a good man to pass on you over looks, body shape, cooking skills, [or] being domestic all together? Would you rather have a no-good man who is great with sex but he can’t even buy you a Coke or a hamburger out in public? I think it depends on the individual. I guess it’s to each its own. There aren’t too many good men out here. They are very hard to find. Sometimes you’ve got to play the cards you dealt with. Just my opinion.” – Kimberly
“Sex is not everything! Why give up a good man, your potential soul mate, for pleasure? People think [about] right now and not for the future.” – Kathreen
“Not a good relationship if we have bad sex.” – Wanda
“Hell no, I am a good teacher.” – Jazz
“If he really cares, then he can be taught. Far too many men are only good for one thing — those are the ones you pass on.” — Eleanor
“I was in a relationship for several years with a man whose skills needed work, and he got better. We only broke up for grad school. He is a wonderful person.” – Anice
“Bad lovers make the worst partners…simple as that.” – Serge
“Experience has taught me that sex [is] an important part of a relationship. [But] it’s not the most important for me. Friendship and all that goes with it is the key ingredient. Sex is a way to share with the one you love; it was designed to connect you spiritually to your partner. Of course it’s meaning has been lost in fulfilling a lusty desire. You can have what you want; remember that love is a choice. Are you wanting sex or relationship?” – Deborah
“I have a great man, and believe me, after a while the sex gets better…you can eventually learn each others sexual needs and desires and have a full package deal…” — Crystal
“Putting sex over love is often how so many women wind up with diseases, unexpected pregnancies, or worse. Be smart, ladies.” — Cara
