Many of us men have been tricked, bamboozled even, into thinking that love and commitment is something we should shy away from. Those we elevate as role models often take to the pulpit (i.e. television and radio) and proudly proclaim their infidelity—encouraging us to continue to favor pleasure over patience and spend life consumed with self. Many of us have given ourselves over to the thought that single is synonymous with happiness, but that’s just not true. Be encouraged. Take refuge in the truth, which is that he needs you. There are qualities that only you can provide which will help him be a better man. Here they are.
Even the most well-intentioned men need boundaries. When clearly set they give us something to live up to. Boundaries inform him that he will have to consistently prove himself through his behavior. Men love a challenge. In fact, it is in this challenge that our best is revealed. Set worthwhile standards that will help to outline what your boundaries are.
Yes he needs it. To know that your interest in him is as sincere and genuine as the affection you seek from him means everything. His consistent pursuit of you, coupled with sincere actions over time, will help to make clear the true motives of his heart. Once you have become secure in the situation extend the same security to him as well.
He needs balance, which is why he needs you. You keep him level headed. Not only that but setting standards and clear boundaries will push him towards a greater sense of responsibility which can positively impact every area of his life. This ultimately affects the quality of your relationship, as you are able to make up for what he lacks and compliment what’s already there.
Substance is king, or in this case, queen. It is what attracts him beyond the surface level. It’s what keeps him coming back. From experience, I can attest that one night stands and meaningless relationships soon become fleeting and substance is the only thing that will truly satisfy a man. To be honest, sex isn’t hard to get and flattery can be secured easily as well. But substance is rare, and when found, should and will be treasured by any man that’s worth your time.
Ladies, trust me on this one. It is quite possible that he will grow to love you, but if that is to ever happen you must give him some space to do so. Too many calls, texts and questions will leave him feeling smothered. When he feels this way he retreats. It’s OK to play a little cat and mouse sometimes to make him feel wanted but not needed. Allow him to pursue you out of his own fruition. This will help to identify if his attraction is genuine.
Just as you desire a man you can trust, he desires a woman that can trust him. If his actions over a period of time don’t make you pause for concern, then don’t. Don’t allow yourself, or your interactions, to be consumed with hypotheticals.
There’s a myth that men are afraid of the truth; that we can’t handle it. That’s inaccurate. Any secure man wants to be informed as much as possible in terms of your relationship. So be open and honest with him about who you are and what you desire. That's the information he needs to be able to treat you in a way that pleases you.
Your ability to support his worthwhile endeavors will greatly endear him to you. A soft touch and a kind word can go a long way. It’s an amazing feeling to know that the woman with whom you share yourself believes in you.
If he proves himself to be worthy of your love, bestow it upon him unconditionally. He desperately needs it to help balance a world full of judgment. Accept him as he is and in doing so see him become better as a result.
I am not suggesting that you become something or someone for a man. Authenticity is priceless. It’s what separates you from the crowd. Be you; the good, the bad and the sometimes quirky. Relish all of the random qualities that make you who you are and display them confidently. Be liberated by the fact that everyone won’t love you and you don’t need them to. But the man who does, the one who understands and accepts your individuality, is the one that needs exactly what you bring to the table.