As professional matchmakers our client list is shifting from being predominantly female to an almost even mix of men and women—including a range of ethnicities. Whether we are speaking with the client or their potential matches, there are definitely some common questions from Black men who want to know more about a Black woman who may be a potential match. For those wondering what’s on the minds of men, we are giving you the inside scoop on what our Black men are really want to know about dating a Black woman.
Is she willing to get her hair wet? The natural hair movement is here to stay, but Black women (natural or relaxed) don’t want to get their hair wet. This limits activities they love such as swimming, splashing around at the beach and jet skiing. Our Black male clients who are active in water sports like boating and fishing worry that certain styles take a lot of work for a woman to maintain if it gets wet. He would rather her experience these activities with him and have a style that allows her the flexibility to not make her hair a huge issue.
More and more Black men are embarking on different hobbies such as running, hiking, kayaking, hunting, fishing, etc.. One of the first questions they ask is; “Will she do these things with me, or at least accompany me?” We encourage our female clients to keep an open mind and at least try to enjoy a new experience even if it takes them outside their comfort zone. Remember ladies, it’s all about creating memories.
Yes, ladies this one’s a biggie. We hear right from our Black male client’s mouths that they get bored easily and are looking for a woman to break the monotony. Be open to trying new things like tasting different types of food or trying an adventurous or totally unexpected activity.
He wants to know 1. Will your business stay between just you two? 2. Do you need your parents or other family members’ approval before making decisions? Or, will you make important decisions together as a team?
Many of our Black men love a woman who believes in God and will pray on their behalf. But will she beat him over the head with her religion every chance she gets? Will she require every date and every conversation to be consumed with her love of the Lord? They share that they want her to have more to offer and to discuss besides all things church. Although spirituality is most often a plus with these fellas, they would rather you showcase the characteristics and hobbies that make you unique in addition to your love of God.
Many Black men tell us they want a woman they can bring around their friends but who can also represent them well with the right amount of professionalism and sexy whether it’s accompanying them to a work event or going out on a romantic night on the town. Cliché, but sadly, still a true question they do emphasize.
The majority of our clientele are successful, professional, affluent singles and many of them are men. What they share with us is that they are extremely proud of our sisters, however they don’t want to hear about work, work, work all of the time. They want to see the fun side of you and have you turn off the HSIC (Head Sister In Charge) button at 5PM. He wants to know you can be strong when needed but also his fun, spontaneous, sexy woman he can unwind with when the two of you are together enjoying each other.
Some of our Black men tell us, that early on in a dating relationship, it’s sometimes difficult to get to know the real woman beneath the hard exterior she’s developed to cope with past hurts and failed relationships. They want to know more about you early on and what makes you tick. Try to start off every new relationship with a clean slate; give him a preview of who you are at your core and welcome him to get to know more and more of the real you. It’s okay to be optimistic and it will help you form a deeper emotional bond.
Many men mention concern over dating women who would rather argue than discuss what’s on their mind.
One thing that can be a huge turn-on for our Black men is the woman who consistently operates as if the glass is half full—someone who is encouraging and can see what seems impossible for both herself and her man.
We have said this a million times: Our Black men tell us the most attractive thing about a woman is her confidence, no matter what size she is. If she likes it and looks and feels beautiful, he loves it. Case closed. Stop pointing out all of your flaws. Most often you are bringing attention to things he doesn’t even see. We say, own it, sis!
Black men tell us they just want to know they have a safe, nonjudgmental place in you to feel safe and secure. They ask us things like: Will she have my back? When I have a bad day, can I trust her to lift me up and encourage me? Does she support me as much as I’ll support her?
Our goal is always to provide our sisters with a better understanding of what the real men who come to us looking for love are thinking. Whenever we see a trend or hear a reoccurring theme in one area or another we want to let you know. Understanding how men look at dating and hookups can help you better understand their dating behaviors. We want you to be well informed and have successful, happy, long term relationships and marriages. Here’s to love!
Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of "heart hunters" led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.