One thing that continues to be missing on the dating scene is honest communication. That’s why we’re back to continue the conversation. A few weeks ago, we asked men what their biggest complaints were about women in dating. Well, ladies – it’s your turn to vent!

This isn’t meant to be a tit for tat. Our hope is to enlighten each other about what we all want and need in order to find (and be) suitable partners. We interviewed Black women from all walks of life, and here’s what their biggest pet peeves are.

Closeup shot of an unrecognizable couple holding hands in comfort

C-O-N-S-I-S-T-E-N-C-Y, Find Out What It Means To Me

“One of my biggest pet peeves about dating is inconsistency. You meet someone, you’re feeling each other, go out on a few dates, and enjoy getting to know each other. Then suddenly, everything slows down. Calls and texts get fewer. You start overthinking, and the pattern repeats. You begin to not trust the good times thinking that bad times are right around the corner. Consistency matters! Call when you say you will. Show up when we agreed. The only thing consistent these days is inconsistency.” – Corporate Trainer, 47

Less Talk, More Action

“Confirm you’ve heard me not just by agreeing, but with action. In my experience, even the men who believe they’re great communicators don’t always listen. They might hear what I’m saying, but the ones who will actually act on what they’re heard are few and far between. For instance, I might say ‘I want us to spend more time together doing something other than Netflix and chilling.’  The man will say he gets it. We may even go out once after having that conversation, but it doesn’t happen again.” – Engineer, 54

Dinner At My Place Isn’t A Proper First Date

“On the first few dates, yes, I expect you to pay and for us to go out somewhere. Our first date isn’t going to be me cooking for you at my place, and you expecting sex afterward. At that point, I don’t even know you yet. On top of that, requesting a meal at my place means I’ll be paying for the meal and cooking it. For what? This isn’t a marriage.” – Nurse, 34

Just Tell The Truth!

“I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the age-old complaint we have about men lying. It seems like it’s their immediate go-to when their back is against the wall, or when they suspect it might get them the answer they’re looking for. Here’s the truth, fellas: lying never ends well. Sometimes, you end up having to tell more lies to cover up the first one. At some point, it comes back to bite you. If anything, I would say just go for the truth and let the chips fall where they may.  In the end, you will get more respect.” – Attorney, 47

Recognize My Strength

“There’s often so much emphasis on how hard Black men have it in society, which is true. At the same time, Black women are pushing our way through the BS, too. The everyday stress and microaggressions we experience force us put our ‘big girl pants’ on every single day to remind our peers that we’re worthy, capable and belong. If there are times, especially early on in dating, that we seem a little too forceful or headstrong, bring it to our attention. Give us some wiggle room to make the corrections that will put us both at ease. You would be surprised how many of us will thank you for letting us know.” – Business owner, 40

If You Expect It, Reflect It

“I’ve found that some men want women to be health-conscious, well-groomed, adventurous, and with a pretty smile. But those things are not high on the priority list for themselves. He might have a protruding stomach, missing side teeth, and a hairline further back than the eye can see. The excuses I commonly hear is that they “you plan to work on it…one day,” or are still living in the shadow of their glory days. Why not hold yourself to the same standards? Let’s try our best to meet each other at the same level. ” – Physician, 38

Well gentlemen, there you have it! This is the reality. But more importantly, women want to be heard, cared for, protected and loved! Overall, if we can just communicate with each other more effectively and be mindful of these things on both sides, we have the potential to share a beautiful life with eternal memories!

Stay tuned for our “The Matchmaking DUO’s” take and professional recommendations on how we can bridge the gap! Thank you ladies for your candor!

Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of “heart hunters” led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.


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