The Father Affect
And so the story goes, for women, our dads are almost always our first loves. Whether through awkward conversations or simply by their actions, we not only learn a lot about love from them, but we learn how to be treated in relationships from our fathers. In honor of Father’s Day, we celebrate dads by sharing the best relationship advice readers have received from their fathers.
My dad taught me to compromise, not to be afraid to love wholeheartedly, and to choose my partner wisely. He said that you teach men how to treat you.
My father is a stern quiet man. He doesn’t say “I love you” much or fully expresses his opinions on things. He shows his affection through his actions; He is a man who provides for his family, works extremely hard, and keeps the best interest of his business, his house, his wife, and his children first. In my relationship, I don’t seek verbal validation too much. I hold actions and decisions to a high standard. Just like my father, my boyfriend doesn’t say too much either, but we both hold each other accountable for the decisions that are made in the relationship. And if it wasn’t for my weird, but wise dad, I don’t know where I, or this relationship, will be. Thank you, daddy.
My dad showed me that the man in your life should be one you can laugh through life with. My dad calls me every Sunday morning on his way to church; like an alarm clock. Moments with my dad have always been full of laughter, no matter the situation. I may call my dad in tears, he’ll calm me down, pray, remind me that everything will work out and seals it with something humorous. After the call, I’m most likely still chuckling from what he said and knowing, some way, somehow everything will work out for my good. Other times when I’m not having a moment, I’m just laughing constantly until it’s time to get off of the phone.
The best piece of relationship advice I learned from my dad is to always honor myself. The media, outside opinions etc, will always have something to say regarding relationships and what women should and should not do. The bible makes it plain and simple, “He who finds a wife…” not “She who hunts down a husband”. In short he wanted to make sure I understood that I cannot make a man ready to be, or do anything other than what he is willing to at that time. Thus, I’m better standing firm in my truth, understanding my value, honoring myself, and letting him find me.
I love that my dad is real. Even when it’s annoying, lol. My dad doesn’t have any boys but he raised my sister and I to be tough and understand game when it’s in front of us. Plenty of times my dad has told me to stop working for free and start a business. He’s always pushing me to be great, I used to be in tears doing homework because he would make me perfect it or find another way. “You are just like me, that’s why I’m so hard on you.” I’m forever grateful for that extra push, now I can’t take no for an answer, I’m always finding another way to get what I need done.
My dad showed me what unconditional love meant for my mom by always doing whatever he could to make sure she was happy and felt supported in career endeavors and outside interests. Ex: her studying for her phD in Ghana on and off for the last 10 years. Paying her tuition, traveling to see her, reading and editing her dissertation, up all night, etc. Friendship first.
If he can’t catch a fish, gut a fish, and cook it, he’s not the one. You want a man who is able to provide, demonstrate, and feed you.
Pertaining to love he told me to never let a man tell me I “couldn’t” do anything. That a man who holds a woman back is not a true man because real men want their lady to feel free.
If you have sex before you’re married you’ll die and go to hell.
It’s not about coming together to make each other whole. You both gotta be whole on your own first.
My dad and I have a great relationship, and I feel I learned a lot from him although not the traditional daddy/daughter convos but instead through his actions. I believe my dad taught me importance of honoring your wife no matter what is going on. My parents will be married 35 years this year, I never once saw him disrespect my mother or treat her less than. I learned how to be treated by how he treated her. He taught me that it’s okay to be your true, unpredictable, lively, sometimes crazy self and that if a man can’t handle you like that then he doesn’t deserve to be with you. I remember my mother went through a period of “finding herself” which included lots of drinking & partying but my father never shunned her. He stood by her, carried her inside, and made sure she had hangover cure kit the next morning. My dad taught me that I’m worthy of being loved in whatever state, and that I’m allowed to be my true self in my relationship without fear of judgment.
Being on one accord is the best thing.