You’ve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author of The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel Alone in Their Marriages keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit show, Braxton Family Values. Now it’s your turn to sit in her chair…
Dr. Sherry, I have a situation that I would like to run by you. My ex-boyfriend is in prison, we recently got back in contact with each other and now he is talking about marrying me and having a kid with me. Before he was ever in prison he still mentioned marriage and kids, and we have been off and on since I was 14 years old. I am 21 now, and he will be getting out of prison in five months.
I do love him and I do want to be with him, but I want to be sure that he wants to be with me too. His mother recently got in contact with me and told me that he used to talk about me all of the time. She also said he told his entire family about me way before he ever went to prison, For the past six years now, we have had complications being together because he’s always been put in situations where we aren’t able to talk on the phone, whether he was in jail, he didn’t have a cell phone, or we just decided to take a break from each other. But, it always seems like we find each other and get back together. How can I be sure that I’m making the right decision in being with him?
Dear Sis,
Remember, there is a reason that your ex-boyfriend is your “ex”! Just because your ex is in prison and wants to be with you doesn’t mean you have to decide to be with him. Yes, I read that you love him and want to be with him. But my question is how do you love and want to be with someone you really don’t know. You have known him since you were 14 years old and you are currently 21 years old. That is seven years and he has been in prison the last six years. He has not been available to you physically and emotionally. So again, do you know this man? You only know an ex who is trying hard to make sure he has someone to help take care of him and a place to live once he is released from prison. This is called security and that is one of the main things you represent to him. What does he have to offer you other than being a sperm donor? A relationship, especially a marriage, is more than just words. Love and words will not pay one bill or buy food or anything else. Your ex may be a nice guy but he needs to get his life together without depending on you. You can’t get to know him until you know who you really are. It does not seem as if you have had a chance to know yourself and to figure out what your needs and wants are in life. At age 21, you owe it to yourself to live and enjoy life and achieve some of your dreams without being committed to a man that you really don’t know. If it is really love between the two of you, it will be there and there is no rush to marry and have a baby. Neither is there a reason to be in a relationship with him before you take time to know yourself. You must believe in yourself enough to work and go for your dreams. Life is too short to settle and accept less than what you truly want.
— Dr. Sherry
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TOPICS: Ask Dr. Sherry
