For successful women, trying to sustain a relationship with a man who may not be as successful can be challenging. The men complain that a woman can’t turn the “testosterone” switch off after hours while those women often feel they have to downplay their accomplishments to make their man feel more secure. These relationships often last less than six months before either party decides to call it quits. It can be a challenging dynamic to overcome. Here are a few early signs that your man may be intimidated by your success. If he fits the bill there’s still time to discuss what’s really going on or cut ties before someone gets hurt.
Have you noticed that every single time you talk about a win at work, he has to one-up you? Instead of being happy and comfortable in your achievements, he may reply with something like, “I did that two years ago” or “that’s great, you had a good team to help get you there.” These types of responses let you know he has insecurities that may need to be addressed now.
If he’s suddenly splurging on expensive watches, cars, tailored clothing, and things he wouldn’t normally buy, he may be trying to impress you and show you just how successful he is. Although it’s admirable, put his mind at ease by listing all the things you love about him that don’t cost a thing.
Hopefully you’ve told your man before, at least a time or two, that he is wonderful, fantastic, handsome and just why he’s the perfect one for you. But if he can never hear it enough, that’s a problem. If he continues to prompt you for more by saying things like “I wish I were this” or “If only I had that” this means he still doesn’t feel he measures up in more ways than one.
Some men constantly bask in the memories of the days when they were the star college quarterback or on top during their younger years. This is something he’s trying to use to get more appreciation from you for the things he has accomplished even if they’re slightly outdated. Take note, because he is obviously really proud, so you can score major points by reminding him how much you admire what he did, which will make him feel great while he’s building up for his next big milestone.
As we know, it’s almost impossible to avoid arguments in a relationship. But if you’re discussing why he was late picking you up and he suddenly blurts out, “That’s right, you did graduate from Harvard, so I forgot, you know it all” this is a sign that he’s harboring some feelings about your position and he’s not able to deal with them in a healthy way.
If you’re out at a company function and he’s uncomfortable with the amount of interaction needed to do your job there’s trouble brewing. Maybe your company requires you to host guests from out of town at a dinner or maybe you’re a public speaker who needs to be bubbly and interact with the crowd. If every time you leave there’s an argument where you have to explain why this conversation was too long or why you shook this one’s hand, Houston we have a problem!
Most people whose jobs requires them to travel will regularly tell you that after a while, it is not as glamorous as one would think. Running in and out of airports, working long hours and crashing at the hotel, only to do it all over again, is usually not an environment conducive to cheating. But if every time you touch down in a new city he’s calling and accusing you of traveling to meet up with someone else, he’s certainly intimidated and most likely the jealousy will worsen if you don’t address it.
If your man is turning you down regularly and you know he has nothing else that’s pressing on his calendar, he may not feel like he fits in. Go back and analyze the times that he did attend and ask yourself if you did a good job introducing him to everyone and making him comfortable in your environment. If the answer is no, let him know you’d like to do a better job of helping him assimilate into your world. If the answer is yes, just know there may not be much that will help this situation and he may not ever feel at ease.
Often we hear that where we grew up can play a large factor in our experiences. Men tell us that if they grew up in underprivileged environments with not many resources, it sometimes makes them feel under-exposed. You may want to point out the life experiences he’s learned along the way living in his community and those are experiences and lessons that can’t be paid for. Life experience, common sense, and having the ability to adapt in all situations certainly goes a long way.
Overall, we want you to be cognizant of when your may be intimidated by you and to what degree. It may be just a matter of making him feel more comfortable and that you like/love him for who he is as a person and rather than the level of success he has had. If he can’t seem to overcome his issues, then perhaps he never will and he’s not the right man for you.
Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of “heart hunters” led by The Matchmaking DUO™ (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.