Are you one of those women convinced that all men cheat? You better think again. ESSENCE.com’s Modern Day Matchmaker Paul Carrick Brunson says there’s “no way” he’d ever — ever! — cheat on his beloved wife. The reason, he tells us, should be obvious, but in case you’re still a little skeptical, here are the eight reasons why he knows he won’t go there. Become a believer.
This is an actual conversation that took place once between myself and a staffer (supplied by the venue) at one of my events:
Guy: C’mon son, I know you’re married, but don’t tell me you ain’t smashin’ none of these hotties that be comin’ to yo events?
Guy: C’mon son?
Guy: You crazy Paul, you crazy in the head… even if I was married I would be runnin’ all through them hoes.
Me: That’s because you haven’t grown up yet.
I’ve had enough with all the talk about why men and women cheat. Every time a celebrity gets caught cheating on their spouse the media rolls out all the “experts” to tell us the drivers behind why we men cheat. Most of the conversation is tongue-in-cheek with an undertone, especially for men, that implies that “everyone does it.” Well, Breaking News Update: Everyone does not cheat! As a matter of fact, based on all the research I can get my hands on, the overwhelming majority of data states that “most” of us (men and women in committed relationships) do not cheat.
Now that we have that out of the way, can we please put an end to the countless excuses and reasoning for those that do cheat? I mean, are Tiger and Arnold really “psychological sex addicts” or are they simply irresponsible and immature guys? I have a very simple theory when it comes to cheating: Those who do, haven’t grown up yet, point blank, period. Ladies who cheat are not real women and fellas who cheat are not real men. Cheating is a distinguishing line between the men and boys and the women and girls — one group understands, accepts, and takes responsibility, the other doesn’t. If I were able to spend some more time with the guy I was in the conversation with at my event, I would have gone into more detail to spell out to him the responsibility that real men and women undertake when in a committed relationship. I would have given him the eight reasons I don’t cheat on my wife.
My mother truly etched this in my mind. I remember when I was a little boy, listening to her and my father argue, and asking if they would divorce. She would look back with a smile and say, “Our wedding vows were a promise made before the Lord. I don’t plan to break any promises I make before the Lord.” Now granted, my parents had verbal spats not WWF sessions, so I can see instances where divorce is a recourse, but the point my mother’s story drives at is about hearing and accepting those very powerful words in your wedding vow: “Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep them for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to them so long as you both shall live?”
I can speak for most men who fall deeply in love and tell you that when it happens, your desire to protect surges. How can I protect and shield my beloved from pain? becomes a key fiber in your existence. I’m so methodical about this, when my wife and I watch TV, I deliberately turn the channel when those ASPCA commercials come on, otherwise, I know she’s going to start crying. I fully embrace my role as protector, so how could I deliberately wound her? She deserves better.
When I found out my wife was having a boy, I was incredibly excited. Not just because of the traditional ‘proud father wanting a son’ thought, but I was excited about the opportunity to raise a Black man. This takes enormous responsibility, and ultimately, I know my son will be what he sees, and when he sees his father, I want him to see honor and integrity.
I mentor several young people, mostly in high school and college. The reasons letting my mentees down is not an option are identical to why I can’t let my son down: They will be what they see.
I have three living grandparents, all over 88. They, as well as my parents, sacrificed too much for me to dishonor their legacy or our family name. Family means everything to me, and I wear my last name, in particular, very proudly.
I don’t want to cross the TMI line here, but let me just say, daddy is very happy.
As more and more folks follow my work (which I continue to be humbled by), I’ve noticed the pool of haters forming — one even sent me a message saying that they look forward to the day when I get caught up in a “Tiger-like-incident.” Well, I have news for all my haters: You’re going to be waiting, and waiting, and waiting, because this guy doesn’t cheat.