Men are programmed—right or wrong—to stay as far away as possible from marriage conversations, because once you go there it’s like opening up a floodgate with the exit blocked off. Even if you think that we are marriage material—even if you are really excited about getting married—it’s often best to bring it up in a subtle, non-confrontational way. Talk about someone else’s marriage and see if he opens up.
Men overwhelmingly want their partner to do more walking on the wild side. A survey polled both men and women about whether they thought their partner was as sexually adventurous as they would like. 67% of the men said no. Women were asked the same thing. Only 30% of women said the same thing. This gap can be resolved with better communication.
An axiom when it comes to men is that what we can’t have we tend to want even more. Too available can also mean too easy. If you don’t present somewhat of a challenge to us, then we lose what is often one of the most exciting aspects of a budding relationship—the thrill of the hunt.
It would be a lot better for everyone if you said it directly. Men have absolutely no shame in admitting that we are extremely nearsighted in many respects, and if you consider that a weakness, then that’s understandable. If you expect us to read between the lines, please understand that you’re taking a gamble. The direct approach is often much better, especially if it’s something that’s important to you.
Yes, we would be extremely gratified if right from the beginning we could figure out on our own what turns you on and makes you get the most out of an intimate encounter. But sometimes we just aren’t making the right connection and what we think is working for you really isn’t. Go ahead and give us a little coaching if we don’t ask for it. We want the coaching, but our egos make it difficult to ask for help.
Men want you to be the center of your universe, but they don’t want your universe to collapse if they don’t talk to you for an entire day or see you for 48 hours. Men want you to have things to do with your friends and not be home waiting for them. Your independence is an attractive quality.
He wants to be with someone willing to display a reasonable amount of aggression. It is a widely held belief that men prefer submissive women who don’t challenge us but rather sit back and do as we say and accept what we give them. This is very far from the truth and from another century. Men want to be partners in a relationship and sometimes they want and expect you to make the first move and take some of the control of the wheel. To many of us this is very refreshing.
VH1’s Celebrity Fit Club therapist Dr. Ian Smith’s new book The Truth About Men: The Secret Side of the Opposite Sex is available now.
